The End of the Beginning

This week was rare for us. Rare? Yup...it actually ended on a high note! I know, I know, you thought we didn't have good days, let alone weeks, any more, right?! Wrong! Seriously, this week ended on an upswing. No, I'm not cancer free, and yes, I'm still walking, er hobbling, like a one-legged horse, but I said it was a high note; not the highest!

Remember the meeting with the plumber? They're doing a biopsy on the material they took out, but all things went well. The doctor who did the procedure, Doc #6, said everything went well. The only thing he saw were some minor cuts on the stomach from all the meds I've been taking. So, he gave me some more pills to take in the morning. What's another one when there's already 7? No biggie!


But wait, why was he looking in my stomach? Ahhh, well a slight change, or addition, to plans. 'Why not', Dr. #6 asked somewhat rhetorically, 'do a scope down the throat into the stomach, too? You're already sedated, if we don't find anything down under, [Dr. #4] will probably order this anyways, and you won't feel a thing.' Sure sure, whatever, Doc. Just do it...I'm already drugged up, I can't feel my feet, and this is the most comfortable I've been in weeks. What the hell, have at it!

The preparation leading up to 'the test' was not as bad as we were lead to believe. However, fasting for 30 hours when I'm taking about 15 pills a day is not easy on the nausea scale. Besides hearing the same gurgling noise that you hear when the last bit of bath water is drained, it felt like the rest of the waste was going to come out from the front end. Just - get - to - Wednesday. That's all I was thinking and telling myself. Radiation would be over soon enough and so would this experience with Dr. #6, so just get to Wednesday.

Well, I made it, and when I woke up, I was just glad to know that everything planned for the week was OVER! The experience with Dr. #6 and staff was disgusting, including the 'syrup' I had to drink so the added procedure could be performed. Just think of the grossest cough medicine you've ever had, make it three times as thick and add a slight hint of grandma's Christmas sweater. That's what it tasted like. Seriously, disgusting! When I finally came to, all I could hear was the sound of some really weird music. It was kind of a cross between yodeling, some really heavy bass and the ooh's and aah's of an awesome firework display. As the grogginess wore off, I was able to place my finger on what that sound was exactly. It was me in the recovery room, with nine other men (all at least thirty years my senior) who all just went through the same thing. Everyone was so full of air that there was only one way to let it all out. Yup, 'The Flatulent Fogies' were in town! And all the toot-a-loos were going off in perfect harmony....like something Mozart masterfully created.

That was about the time I made DBone fetch me my clothes from under the gurney I was in, and I raced to get dressed and get the freak out of that place! Besides the complete lack of privacy (picture 10 beds in a row with nothing more than a thin curtain separating them all), the smell and noise was going to make me sick. And they promised to wheel me out of there. Deal! Like Ryan Seacrest, I'm out!

As I was being wheeled down to the pick-up circle, I was trying to wrap my mind around what the completion of this procedure really meant. Radiation is officially done....I even have a certificate to prove it. Earlier that morning, Big D picked me up for the last time to visit the Lemmen-Holton Cancer Pavilion. The bizarre rotating door, the security guard (yeah, it's weird to us, too), the cool water feature and the woman who thinks her job of validating parking tickets is the most important thing in the world all saw me and my partner in crime for the last time.

I'll miss the four tech's that worked with me during the last three+ weeks because they were really kind and always knew how to make me smile, but I'm ready for this tumor to start shrinking. There's something to be said about the relationships you build in a place like that, and I wish all the other patients there the best. Stay positive and try to smile and you can beat this. We all can beat this!

Besides finishing radiation, I won't be getting violated by any more procedures in the near future. Well, none that I know of! DBone pulls up, and the goal now is to get some food in this empty belly (for those wondering, my crave was TBell and the meal consisted of the 2 chalupas - beef supreme - 1 hard shell taco and drink combo plus cinnamon twists and the apple empanada), try and steal a couple z's and then off to bowling! Don't worry, you're not the only one who didn't think I would or could make it to the lanes that night. Nobody thought I would be able to make it...even the people at the colonoscopy place snickered when I told them I had to get in and out of here quickly, especially considering it was only three hours after check-out. But hey, I wasn't going to suffer through all of this and not reward myself! A guy's gotta stay sane, right?!

So, DBone and I headed to bowling Wednesday night. She subbed for L, and because of her sub-par effort, I think The Pinners might have stolen four points from the #1 team in the league, Milk was a Bad Choice! We won't know for sure until next week because of the confusing handicap formula and calculations, but from our rough estimates, things look good! Thanks for the, uh, help DBone. Seriously though, thanks, we all appreciate it.

DBone was subbing for L because during all this, L was in Chicago. Since L constantly has me on her mind and is helping with everything possible, she was again manning the phone. Despite being at a conference 200 miles away, L couldn't help but to help. She swears that she was on the phone for two hours trying her best to get my upcoming appointments in order. During all her calls, and continuing the theme of the week, L got a much welcomed surprise. She received a call from the one and only, the evil Gail from Dr. #4's office. Unlike in week's past, this time the phone/insurance/courtesy-amateur delivered some good news: the appointment to U of M was approved, covered and paid for by our insurance! Looks like all these years of spending time with me have given L more of a back bone. She's also learned the art of getting pretty creative in convincing people to help her get what she needs.

Once L heard that, the rest of the conversation was pretty fuzzy. She thinks she heard Gail say something along the lines of 'totally shocked' that we got the 'appointment approved', but that we did and that Dr. #4 actually 'got on the phone' with the 'head of the insurance company' to make sure we got into U of M at no cost. Talk about a high note!!

Lastly, L is coming home today! I know she appreciates spending time with friends and family...having dinners, sharing wine, gossiping, and even a bit of shopping, but she said her heart has been here with me and the kids, aka dog and cat. We've all missed her and can't wait to have her back in GR. It's been another long week, but this time we can finally see the pieces to the puzzle coming together. Hopefully by the end of next week we have some good news about the tumor.

Monday I have an appointment with Dr. #1 to get an MRI and x-ray so we can get an idea of what is going on with my hip. If the tumor looks like it's the only thing causing the pain, that will be a good sign that things are on the up and up for my walking progress. That would mean that once it shrinks, I should be back to my normal self. If not, and there's more bone damage, we'll have to figure out what we can do to fix that. It might be a temporary solution like some 'cement' to re-create that socket and get be back to 'normal', or it might be something more invasive like a hip replacement or partial replacement. We shall see.

Then, of course, next Friday is the appointment at U of M. This will get a fresh set of eyes on the situation, Dr. #7's, and will hopefully help Dr. #4 make his decisions for the future. Surgery to remove the tumor in my lung? Another biopsy to try and get more tissue sample? Or maybe just jump right into chemo and start killing this thing from the inside-out. All that should be answered in the next week or so, and we're anxiously looking forward to those answers. Until then, we'll celebrate the small victories of this week and enjoy the weekend. We hope you do, too!

Insurance and Pipe Cleaning....all in a day's work!

This week marks a week with brand spankin' new frustrations. It's been continually annoying dealing with insurance personnel. We have Priority Health HMO (which seems to stand for 'Hours and Minutes On-hold'), and we have found it completely impossible to get where we need to go without meeting some large problem. Dr. #4 feels that B will receive the best care (or have the best set of eyes review things) at U of M, however, this is an out of network appointment, so the insurance company has denied the appointment.

At this point, B's health has no cost, as we kindly explained to the idiot lady (Gail from Dr. #4's office, here's talkin' to you) in charge of outside referrals, who thought setting an appointment for another facility was fine. We explained that we would sell our wedding rings to fly B to china if that meant he would be cured and walk away from this. Overkill? Maybe....maybe not?! Either way, it appears that at this point the desire to see the Doc at U of M, per Doctor #4's request has set into Gail's head. Still, no appointment has been set, but it does seem promising, thanks to the help of some family muscle (by muscle, of course we mean B's aunt who works in the medical field and made some calls for us). Thanks Auntie R! By the way, we were planning on attending this 2nd opinion appointment in full Spartan regalia, but since it's a medical issue and we're actually looking for accurate care and diagnoses, we may hold off on that (at least with the top layer).

As we left it last week with Dr. #4, B was to complete an ultrasound, have a colonoscopy, go to U of M for a second opinion, and then back to meet with Dr. #4 to determine the best plan of action. Most likely, this means scheduling surgery to remove the tumor in B's lung. That surgery will finally give Dr. #4 and his pathologists enough tissue to determine where the cancer originated, then chemo can begin to kill any cancer that might be left behind. We go back to see him March 10th, so the plan was to have all of these tests and 2nd opinions finished(except the surgery, obviously) BEFORE we went back.

So far....ultasound done, colonoscopy tomorrow (which means fasting all day today, except for clear liquids and popsicles), and then onto U of M. Setting the colonoscopy appointment was a pain in the ass, too. These people make setting an appointment seem like brain surgery. It took them 5 days to give B a time for the appointment, and it was ONLY 5 days because they set it while I was on hold for 15 minutes...on my 4th call to the scheduling office!



*Breathe Breath, Ahhh.* Needless to say, B is not looking forward to the prep for the colonoscopy, but DBone and I gave B what most would consider the prep for a colonoscopy a few weeks ago. When B was clogged up from all the meds during his collapsed lung episode in the beginning of the month, DBone and I went to CVS to try and help get the pipes moving again. $35 and two grocery bags later, we had all the products under the CVS sun necessary to induce said pipe-cleaning. For obvious reasons, and a potential laxative overdose, we didn't see much of B that night. Just his back as he ran/hobbled/crutched from couch to toilet at least a dozen times.

I keep trying to tell B it can't be worse than that, but I guess we'll find out tonight and tomorrow for sure. Well, I'll hear about it. I'm leaving today after work for Chicago for a few days to attend a work conference. B ends radiation tomorrow, so him and Big D will say their goodbyes to all their friends they have made at the cancer center, then DBone will come to take B to the official plumber.
Supposedly, B won't remember anything, but they told him that when he got his hip biopsy and he distinctly remembers them jamming the needle into his hip, so we'll see. He's hoping he can bowl tomorrow night, but it'll be a TBD until he leaves the recovery room. I'm pullin' for ya, B.

As for our readers, thanks for your continued support. We know it's been awhile since our last update, but there hasn't been much change or anything to update you on. The next 2-3 weeks will be full of appointments and information, so I'm sure we'll be updating as often, if not more, as we were when we first fired this thing up.

SHOUT-OUTS FOR THE WEEK - there's a few, so bear with us. Liberty and Mrs. Liberty welcomed a baby boy into this world, so congrats to them! Alexander, I'm sure, will be another good-looking, tall drink of water like his daddy. Jake and X got engaged, so a big welcome-to-the-wonderful-world-of-wedding-planning-congrats to them, too!

Lastly, a huge thanks to Big D for all the rides and talks we've shared the last few weeks to the Cancer Center. You helped me keep my cool and take this all in stride, and I appreciate it. I'll miss our weekday early-lunch hangout time! Don't forget to have your ticket stamped :)

Days to Months

The last few days have been a bit hard to swallow, but I guess in the long run, it's not such a big deal. The week started with a bang as I woke up Monday, yes that means I was actually asleep, and felt different. It felt like I was getting more strength in my leg, I just couldn't use it fully. But the strength felt like it was coming back.

Does this mean I'm ready and able to go run sprints because I'm so happy pitchers and catchers are finally reporting? No, not exactly. But it does mean, at least psychologically, that I'm starting to get closer to being able to support my weight on both legs. I can stretch it out a bit more, and it just feels, for lack of a better word, better.

I go to treatment Monday and actually drive myself. I have an exam to give later on, so due to our car situation, L gets a ride to work and the vehicle is all mine. Priscilla Protege and me have a date and I couldn't be more excited. See, when L drives me around town, I tend to get a little queasy. Something about her desire to hit the gas and brake pedals as many times as possible in a 2 block stretch just doesn't agree with my stomach....or brain....or lunch! Needless to say, I've had a rough go of it lately when we've gone out to run errands because she was in the captain's seat...and I could only sit shotgun counting the seconds until we landed in the driveway.



So, I prove to L, and myself, Sunday night that I can drive, and I must have passed her test because she trusted me with the ride Monday. Score! Anyways, I go to treatment, give the exam and then have my ultrasound. Without getting into too many details, you should know it's exactly like the ultrasound they give to pregnant women. Except instead of hoping to see a little heart beating, I'm praying the tech doesn't do a double-take! She doesn't. And the doctor comes in later to assure me he is "confident this is not the source of the cancer." WHEW!

Monday = Success! And when the week starts out good, there are only 2 ways it can finish...build off the success and be a total winner, OR, all downhill from there.

Tuesday, Big D picks me up for treatment and we have our meeting with Dr. #3 afterward to discuss the progress. I explain to him that this is the most comfortable I have been during treatment since it all started, so it must be getting better. *sidenote* Laying on the table for the three minutes of radiation is excruciating for me. The way my leg is extended just kills, and I need to be pretty still, so there's not much relief. The best words I hear all day are "OK, we're all done."

Anyways, it feels better during treatment (well, doesn't hurt as much), but I'm still extremely sore and am nowhere close to walking on my own yet. Yes, I can drive. And yes, I feel like my leg is there again. But, yes, I still struggle going up stairs. And I still hurt when I sit, bend or move into the wrong position. Plus, when all this started, both Dr. #2 and 3 told me they were confident I would begin feeling relief within 7-10 days. Maybe 7-10 treatments.



Well, we're beyond both of those marks now, and relief isn't exactly knocking down my door. Dr. #3 explains to me and Big D that radiation sometimes swells a tumor, and because of the location of the tumor in my hip (between the head of the femur and my pelvis), the radiation could actually be swelling the tumor into the bone, which is causing me to still feel pain. He informs us that it could be a month or two after radiation is complete before I start feeling relief, and ultimately, comfort.

But wait, there's more. He still feels confident that the 15 radiation sessions will destroy this tumor. However, he says the last option, if it doesn't heal after 3-6 months, would be a total hip replacement. A total hip replacement?? I'm 28 Doc, not 82! How could I play hoops again with a fake hip? Could I even swing a golf club again with an artificial hip? These are questions racing around in my head, of course, but I take the news in stride and just hope - no - beg, plead and pray, the healing takes place sooner rather than later.

On our way out of the office I tell my 10am weekday date, Big D, how disappointed I am that I wasn't given this news quicker and I just want to be healthy again. I was hoping to be all better in a couple months, maybe six at the most! He calms me down and explains to me the big picture. He says he's hoping I'm better in a year. What's 1 year when you're only 28 and still in pretty good health, aside from all this, he asks. I guess he's right.

I determine the initial prediction was a best-case scenario, and maybe they didn't have all the info when they gave me their estimate for relief. Knowing that I'm doing everything they tell me to, and they're doing everything they can to make me better is reassuring. This was the first time through all of this that I really started to think negatively, but I see why it's so important to remain positive and optimistic.

Today, I woke up pretty sore. I don't know if it was from the way I slept (yup, that's about 5 consecutive nights of sleep- even if it is sitting up and on the couch, as opposed to sprawling out in our bed) or from trying stretches to relieve some of the pain, but I was definitely not feeling right. I'm not blaming the pain on the negativity, but maybe thinking like that just makes the bad things more noticeable. Thankfully, the technicians at radiation are so good at making small talk and making me feel comfortable that when I get home I find that positivity I had until yesterday, and now the pain is pretty minimal. Lesson learned! Smile and stay encouraged...it could always be worse!

Tonight is bowling night, and I'm planning something big. Last week I had a great 2nd game, but the 1st and 3rd games were frustrating. I just couldn't get a rhythm going. Tonight, I'm shooting for 2 solid games and 1 just-ok-game. No matter what happens though, there's always next week. And next Wednesday is my last day of radiation...so healing begins then! Ahhh, it could be worse.





**Editor's Note - This post was written yesterday afternoon, but was awaiting proofreading. Bowling went less than great last night, but still, next week's bowling will be the official beginning of healing time!**

Surprises and Love - From L & B

Since today is Valentines Day, I decided that letting B know all or some of the reasons I love him would be just the pick-me-up that he needs to help him kick this cancer right out of him.

One thing is that B is full of surprises. He surprises me a lot. See, I hate all of these silly holidays. I would say I am more of the "man" in the relationship when it comes to celebrating anniversary's, Valentine's day, Sweetest day, etc...I mean what's the point?!? I would rather just save some money and go on a trip or something. I forget though, that B's parents owned a Hallmark store for more than 15 years, so he was always ready for the big holiday. B is always the first to say "Happy Anniversary"....and I'm left thinking, "Oh crap, today is our anniversary!"

Anyways, to the point of the post. Last week I was at the pharmacy, my latest hot spot since every day the docs change or add a med for B to take. I have a few minutes to kill, so I walk down the card aisle, and pick up 2 cards. 1 for me to give to B, and 1 for B to give me. With him having such a hard time getting in and out of the house, I figured I was doing the easy thing, and what's it matter anyway?! Then he doesn't have to worry about picking up a card....Valentine's Day = covered. Not so fast!

Yesterday we're relaxing and enjoying our Saturday morning when my work phone rings. I never bring this phone home, and of course the one time I do it actually rings. I contemplate letting it go to voice mail and playing the 'We were out and about, and I must not of heard it go off' card, but my conscious get the better of me and I take the call. It's a girl from work who says that there's a delivery for me. She says its flowers. I got flowers? I got flowers! I can't even believe it. Since I'm relatively new to work, I knew they couldn't have been from a patient. So I get B to fess up that they are from him. I never get flowers, and not because he doesn't want to send them, I just don't want him to waste money. I'm just so touched I cry, and cry, and cry. Here, with all that he is going through, he still thinks of me and gets me flowers, and now all I have for him is a stupid card. Well, it's the thought that counts, right?!

So, I head upstairs and get ready for a trip to my parents house when there's a knock at the door....now what?!? We get a delivery everyday, below is a picture of our freezer from just some of the meals we've been sent, so I can only guess what we have in store today. I open the door, and to my surprise...MORE FLOWERS! Now I'm totally confused. I was thinking maybe a secret admirer, or my mother in law, DBone. I open them up, read the little card and find out, they too, are from B! What in the freakin heck is going on?? B explains that there was a mix-up with FTD and a made up storm in New Jersey, so I get 2 deliveries of the most beautiful flowers for the price of one! Surprise surprise! Maybe I could get used to being surprised.



I am a seriously lucky girl...what a hell of a surprise. This is right up there with the time he packed my lunch and included a napkin that said "I hope you have a great lunch...sorry I did not pack your hemorrhoid cream". That was a typical B surprise. Or, sometimes when I'm going to the bathroom he hides around the corner and when I come out, he scares the...well, not crap, but the heck out of me. Another typical B surprise. And that's why I am now teaching myself to like surprises.

Another notable quality in B is his determination, which comes in handy right now. B does not let anything get in the way of what he has planned. We have been bowling in a league since the start of his diagnosis. Actually week 1 is when we found out that the tumor in the leg was cancer. I dropped that bomb to our friends, The Kisses, before the first ball was thrown. Not a nice move...sorry about that team! Each week B gets a little weaker and walks with more of a gimp....all he needs is an oxygen tank, and tubes in his nose and he would fit right in at the retirement home up the street. Or the casino.

So, every week we have bowled, except when he ended up in the hospital, but even then, all drugged up he was asking if we could still bowl and they told him yes! He was planning on leaving the hospital and coming back! Well, we missed that week. But when we bowl, B hobbles up to the line, takes one step with the good leg and just muscles the ball down the lane using all arms. He never lets on that he is in pain, but you can see it in his face that he's just not comfortable. I know, I know...but you try and tell him he can't go bowling this week. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Plus, he's not bad. Last week he got 6 strikes in the 2nd game, leading to a 190. He is just incredible. I could never do what he does everyday, and for that I'm lucky. He shows what it's like to keep on with life and to laugh at even the toughest times, especially when all you really want to do is pull a blanket over your head and cry.



I love you, B!
__________________________________________

This is my part of the post. The part where I tell you how much I love L and how strong she is. And I'm not going to make it as long as she did, so just bear with me. She deserves it!

I owe L so much that I can't even put it all into words. She's the reason I decided to finally get looked at. She's the person who has been with me for all the news every doctor had to share, and she's the one who drives me crazy thinking of all the 'what ifs' and 'how comes'. But, she's also the one who helped me figure out how to use crutches (not as easy as you might think...try going up and down a flight of stairs, just once), how to walk with a cane (which I'm learning to master now), and she's the one who warms the car up for me whenever we leave so I don't hurt from shivering. She is the most patient person I have ever met, and that's why I owe her the world.



The smallest thing I could ever do for L is send her flowers. So, I lucked out a bit when they sent double. But still, I feel like I owe her so much more. Just 6 months ago when we vowed to love each other "in sickness and in health", we never could have imagined this was around the corner. And I never could have imagined anyone more perfect to help me deal with all of this. L might shed all the tears, but she is a lot stronger than she lets on. Her work is high-stress, and she has yet to call in for a personal day. Even when co-workers get under her skin, she pushes it aside, does her work, and comes home with a smile on her face. Never letting me know how much pain she really is in.

Her pain is a lot different than mine. Physical pain is easy to deal with. I let on that I'm in pain with every step I take. Anybody and everybody around me knows I hurt and they ask what they can do for me. Her pain, emotional pain, has to be harder to deal with. Nobody knows what she's going through at home. Nobody sees her lining up my pills for the day, or bringing me breakfast because I can't do it myself, or walking me to the bathroom at 4 am.

She's sacrificed so much the last couple months, and we both know we have a tough road ahead of us. But she is the vehicle that is driving us, and I know we'll get to that finish line safe and sound because of L. She has been strong through everything we've dealt with so far, and I couldn't be more appreciative. I love you, L, and you deserve the double dose of flowers!

Happy Valentine's Day!

No news is.....frustrating news!

We embarked on the all important meeting with Dr. #4 today. This has been a meeting that has kept both of us feeling like Bear Grylls and crew before swimming naked across an Alaskan glacier. However, unlike the Discovery Channel star, we didn't find the search and rescue chopper that conveniently finds its way into the closing scenes at the end of each show. Something else we're not good at...suspense!



Today's appointment went something like this......the Doc and nurses from last week (Doctor #5, et al - the same Doc who put a whole in B's right lung and cost us a night of bowling) were unable to get a good tissue sample from the biopsy...say WHAT?? How much is enough tissue? What were they doing in there the entire time his chest was turning yellow and he was rambling to you in Swahili because of the bags of anesthesia he was slugging? Oh well, moving on.

OK, so not enough tissue....now what? Well, at this point we're finding out more about what we don't know than what we do know. The Dr. said that B's HTC (not the same cells as the Hero or Touch Pro2) levels were a bit high. Say again? In laymen terms that could mean a couple different types of cancer, for which, B will go through at least two more tests and get another opinion. Dr. #4 also said that his CA-19 levels....I know, I know, when did a Bingo game break out, right?! (I know, I know, there's no C in Bingo - pretend there is for blog's sake)....what-the-bageezus are you talking about?? This is something that can be present in a couple types of cancer, too, but can also not mean much at all. The next step is to do everything we can to rule everything else out so that we know for sure it is lung cancer. The next tests are a testicular scan, a colonoscopy, a trip to U of M for a second opinion/looksy over, and then surgery to remove the tumor in the lung and run some more tests on it. Bad news...B is going to have to stay a day or two in the hospital when they take the lesion out of the lung. Good news....it'll all be out of the lung!!

The Dr. wants to be sure that he is giving B the best chance to beat this, and to do so they need to be sure that the lung tumor is the source. With chemotherapy being so specific it's best to know what area they're treating. So...no new news. Just new tests! We do know for sure that chemo is in the foreseeable future. So everyone should be sure to enjoy B's hair, those beautiful golden Jewish locks, as much as possible...and maybe he'll break out the mohawk, this time objection-free, before he loses it for a short time. And this won't be from me driving him crazy!



So, bottom line is more tests and more waiting...great! Something to feel good about that we learned today is that Doctor #4 said he thinks the hip tumor will completely heal and B should get full and normal usage of his right kicker back soon. Hey B, the shovel's out there waitin' for ya...with about 3 feet of snow ;)

Hope everyone has a great weekend and Happy Valentine's Day!


TODAY'S SHOUT-OUTS --> Florida Aunts/Families....thank you so much!

The Little Things

Yesterday was our six month wedding anniversary. Many of you are thinking, big deal....six months, but for us it was special. Not the kind of special most couples celebrate, but then again, how many weddings have you been to with a Deacon and a female Rabbi? Seriously though, whoever said the first year is the toughest was right. And that's got nothing to do with fighting, living arrangements, bad habits or Tigergate. In the first six months of marriage we've: lived in different states for 2 months (a new job starting the day after B's birthday forced me to leave Chicago on his birthday), started new jobs in a new state, which is also our old state, and are now facing this thing! I'm tired just writing about it! So, as we were saying, yesterday was a big deal. We celebrated the way we celebrate our marriage on most week nights that don't involve some sort of sporting event...didn't do a damn thing other than look at wedding pictures, watch some TV and let each other know how much we appreciate the other. It was nice...and Special!



Another little win was, uh, I guess you could say B seeing a guy about a horse? No? Dropping the kids off at the pool? Still not following? He took a dump! For most of us, preparing our daily numero dos' consists of waking up, maybe reading some emails or having some coffee and marching our groggy selves to the porcelain tree stump. However, here at the Muttz casa, B having a BM is a big deal. He has been able to take care of business 2 days in a row.....consider that another win for the week. Well, 2 out of 3, but that's better than last week when it was 0 for 4! Sitting hurts for him and when you're blood type is considered 'PILL', it makes going a bit tougher. It's the small things in life, right?!

And then there's B's modified gait. Last week you would have guessed that he was training with the Green Berets, readying himself for armed combat in Munchkinland, the way he was crawling around the house. The only difference is that the point of staying low is to go unnoticed, and between us, B didn't master the art of camouflage. His crawl was accompanied by loud moans and painful groans defeating the incognito strategy. This week, however, has been a bit better. With radiation underway (4 sessions down, 11 to go on his hip), he is now able to gimp around on crutches. He is even able to put some weight on his leg (albeit the same amount of weight a ladybug crushes your forearm with), which is more then could be said the last few weeks. Don't think that he is feeling better though. His back hurts from trying to avoid shattering his own hip, his eyelids are heavier than bricks because he still can't sleep, and his precious moments of sleep are rudely interrupted by a quick twitch causing his leg to spasm and almost bring him to tears. But, he can go up and down the stairs now without a safety net behind him, and the doctor assured us that by this time next week he should begin feeling a reduction in pain. That being said: Small Win!!



Lastly, B has been able to eat this week. We were competing (well, I was) this past week to see who could go longer without eating, and he won....WHAT? I can survive on a handful of croutons and a piece of licorice for 3 days without feeling hungry, but last week B just didn't have much of an appetite. This is a guy who invented his own diet called "Calorie Stacking." He eats a bowl of Fruit Loops for breakfast and then fasts THE ENTIRE DAY until dinner. From that point until bed, he seemingly devours anything he can get his hands on. When I question him about his approach he explains to me that until dinner he only ingested 150 calories or so, meaning that he has 1,850 to crush before bed so he doesn't get ripped off. And those are on non-activity days! Anyways, the meds were making him so sick that eating was out of the question. He almost threw up watching a Wonder Bread commercial, for goodness sakes. But this week things are looking up. He ate a ton of pizza tonight....thanks to the Sisters 'Reno, and it seems that we are back to normal....B stacking his cals so he can raid the pantry (well, have me raid the pantry for him) all night. Yup you guessed, another win.

This week really wasn't so bad, ya see. As simple as these things are to most, they are big deals over here. We're anxiously awaiting our meeting with Doctor #4 this Thursday. That should tell us the results of the lung biopsy from last week, hopefully fill us in to where the cancer started, and then we can figure out a plan of attack for getting rid of the rest of the cancer in B's body. I can hardly sleep and have to make myself eat, but I know whatever we hear, good or not as good, we will deal with. We got this!

Also, a couple personal shout-outs to express our thanks to all of our family and friends. It's no blessing that we're going through this, but one thing that's been great (besides watching all of you quit smoking), is knowing how much we're loved. We can't express the gratitude that we have to everyone who has helped...making meals, sending cards, gift cards, taking B to and from treatment, and on and on and on. Friends from high school, neighbors in the dorm from college, acquaintances of acquaintances. We appreciate all of your support and encouragement. This journey would be impossible alone, and it's nice to know how many people are with us for the ride.

Please continue to spread the word and bring others to the blog. Everyone has a story to share...whether it's about cancer in your family, a funny story from the past with one of us, or just some words of kindness. Everything we read makes a difference, and from our hearts, we love you!

The Master Suite

OK so this is my first go at the blogging thing, and I am a terrible writer, but here we go.....

So it is early Sunday morning and B and I are up, again, before 7:30 in our new master suite. We have all one would ever need in a master suite: a big screen TV, a new faux fireplace, our Wii, oh, but wait, we don't have a bed. You see the new master suite is our finished basement in our rental house. And our new bed is our section couch. Well sometimes. Sometimes it's the old bean bag Big D made for us kids way back when. This bean bag is legendary. Historic in the Homrich family. Many pre-teen snuggle-sessions have occurred on the oversized hacky sack. Perhaps TMI....moving on. Since the diagnosis, B has found it too hard to sleep in a conventional bed so we have tried many things and have found that the best position is in a seated position...almost like stadium seating. Talk about a true love for sports! He generally goes from couch to bean bag, and then back again.

I, being the wimp that I am, can't stand sleeping alone so I have moved into the new master suite, too. Not to say that many a night B begged me to go upstairs and get a good night sleep. But what fun is it to sleep alone in a giant bed!?! I would find even a single bed giant, so to sleep alone in our bed, NO WAY. Even the dog and the cat join the party every night. Come to think about it, this is the most I've seen Jetta at night since we got Bear!

Alright enough about the master suite, back to B. As I said we are up before 7:30. I am up for 2 reasons: to help out B with his pain (he's not the best at remembering what time the next Vicodin body shot is), and to get ready for church.....I have a lot to pray about....throw me a bone, OK.

B had a pretty bad night. Much to our dismay the radiation has not helped with his pain yet. Actually, we think he is in more pain than he was pre-radiation. I try not to cry every minute. I wish I could do something but I truly am helpless. B woke up 2 times last night (a good night, by recent standards), as did I, and we re-medicated, applied heat, and tucked him back in. There is nothing worse than seeing the one you love with all your heart, go through this. It is a shame. But we will be stronger for this and so will our marriage. We are getting out all the "for worse" now, so we will have a full marriage left of "for better". If he didn't love me before, you bet your ass he does now.

Well, we have a lot to look forward to today....great friends are coming over to watch the Super Bowl with us. Unfortunately, leaving the house for B is out of the question. I am hoping for a Saints win, and that is because I am obsessed with Kim Kardashian...not Whats His Name Bush.

Well I hope my first blog was OK. As I said, not much of a writer. And I know soon enough we will be able to return to the true master suite. Signing off.

L



P.S. We were asked earlier how we handled finding out the news and how we are coping. To be honest, this is how we're coping. We try and stay as normal as possible, as long as possible. Finding a laugh in the small things has become a lot more meaningful. Which we're fine with. We love each other's company and love being with each other, so for us, in a really crazy way, this is special.

As for the day we found out. It was really a shock. Doctor #1 brought up the "C" word after the x-rays, but kinda dismissed it. Doctor #2 left us believing it certainly was nothing of the sort. But then when he called and gave us the news...well, he gave Ben the news, who then gave me the news at work, it was a major blow! I cried for a bit at work, but then realized how strong we are and how confident I was that we were going to beat this thing!! Still, it's tough to handle, and when I think about my husband of less than 6 months having cancer, I can't even breathe. But anyone who knows BMuttz, knows that he is a fighter and usually fights his way for what he wants. He wasn't handed much in life, but I love him and am proud to be his wife. As B said the other day and wrote on our calendar, about how we'll handle this....We got this!

How we got where we are today...

This all started with what was supposed to be a regular basketball injury. I don't think it's karma, just a fluke, that I am only 28 but got hurt playing in an over-30 league. I guess when you hit 30, you play hoops more with your backside than anything else. That's how the pain began.

I got bumped by someone's gigantic fanny in my right hip, but this wasn't your typical bump. This hurt so bad that I could feel it in my groin (which later, Doctor #1 would tell me, actually is my real hip). I'm a tough kid, so I played through the pain for another 3 weeks, only feeling a little bit of a twinge when running at anything more than 50% speed.

Christmas time came and the league ended for 3 weeks. Being a natural athlete who knows his body, I figured that would be the perfect amount of rest for my aching hip. After New Year's, I made it back to the gym and on the 1st play back, literally play numero uno, I got bumped again and felt an even worse pain through my upper leg.

Being the caring and compassionate person L is, she finally sassed me enough to come into her office and meet with one of the doctor's in her group, the aforementioned Doctor #1. He did some x-rays, which came up pretty hilarious since all I could focus my attention on was my nice belt buckle and bizarre "snaps" in my rear pockets (anyone who's ever had an x-ray with clothes on knows what I mean).

Long-story short, Doctor #1 referred me to Doctor #2 because of a curious "bump" between my pelvis and femur (ball and socket). Doctor #2 introduced me to the wonderful world of "Biopsy". Say it with me kids, "Bi-O-Psy". Very good. These are not fun and almost always ensure a longer day than the time you wet your pants in 3rd grade music class before the 1st bell even rang. What? That never happened to any of you? Nevermind then!



To make another long-story short, the results came back that I had cancer. All they could tell me was that it was a tumor in my leg, that came from another tumor. But where was this other tumor? Good question...hopefully I know the answer Thursday. More on that in a minute...when we get to Doctor #4.

Doctor #3 is the guy who is going to get rid of my leg tumor. Apparently, they can kill one of them without knowing where the main source is. So, radiation was ordered, and as of today, I am two fifteenths of the way done with that. I go in every weekday for the next 15 weekdays to kill this thing, and hopefully get full use of my leg back.



Right now I can hardly make it to the bathroom without falling on my face. I walk with more of a limp then the oldest of oldies in the over 30 league! If I didn't know I had cancer, I'd make fun of myself, too. Don't feel bad....the cashier at Meijer pried into my limp and even told me about how he suffered a similar "embarrassing" injury when he once ran over his own foot. Yeah, I've heard a lot of been-there-done-that's in the last couple months.

Anyways, on to Doctor #4. See, nobody can tell me where the tumor originated from. They did find a mass in my right lung, but all the doctors seem to be convinced that's not the starting point for one medical reason or another. So, I had another longest-day-in-history this past Wednesday, when I went in at 6:30am for a lung biopsy (performed by Doctor #5). One collapsed lung, one chest tube, a 29 hour hospital stint, a missed weekly bowling league (sorry Pinners) 2 nurse's (one on her 2nd shift), more meds than Canada dispenses to American's daily and the worst case of constipation imaginable, we are a week away from finding out what the lung biopsy has to reveal. The wish is that this shows us where this disgusting disease began, how we need to take care of it, and then taking care of it.

I know it's going to be a tough road, and after watching "Funny People" tonight, I know there will be much vomit, more pain and even more meds for me to trick myself into believing will ultimately help me. But with the support of all of you, and L, and the love everyone I haven't spoken to in years has passed on, we are all certain I will beat this. Right now, the short-term goal is to get myself back to the basketball court. After that, we'll see. But no matter what, if there's one thing that I can get out of this, it's that all those close to me rid themselves of the biggest cancer causing habit out there. Please do yourself a favor and QUIT SMOKING! If I had to get this disease for you to quit, then it was worth it. And don't do it for anyone but yourself. The pain, the nausea, the horrible side-effects aren't worth going through just for a 7-minute timeout. Please, just think twice before lighting up again.

Thanks for coming by, and L and I are planning on adding posts as often as possible. Post questions, leave comments or just read and move on. Either way, spread the word and encourage other survivor's to share their story. I want to know what to look forward to (or what not to), and I'm sure everyone has a story from someone close they can share.

Love,
B

P.S. X, I know the name isn't so original, but your blog is a hit, and I'm not very creative so the first initial thing just stuck. Sorry!

P.P.S. I thought L was going to start the first blog in our fam after watching "Julie & Julia" last week. Guess I was wrong.