Surprises and Love - From L & B

Since today is Valentines Day, I decided that letting B know all or some of the reasons I love him would be just the pick-me-up that he needs to help him kick this cancer right out of him.

One thing is that B is full of surprises. He surprises me a lot. See, I hate all of these silly holidays. I would say I am more of the "man" in the relationship when it comes to celebrating anniversary's, Valentine's day, Sweetest day, etc...I mean what's the point?!? I would rather just save some money and go on a trip or something. I forget though, that B's parents owned a Hallmark store for more than 15 years, so he was always ready for the big holiday. B is always the first to say "Happy Anniversary"....and I'm left thinking, "Oh crap, today is our anniversary!"

Anyways, to the point of the post. Last week I was at the pharmacy, my latest hot spot since every day the docs change or add a med for B to take. I have a few minutes to kill, so I walk down the card aisle, and pick up 2 cards. 1 for me to give to B, and 1 for B to give me. With him having such a hard time getting in and out of the house, I figured I was doing the easy thing, and what's it matter anyway?! Then he doesn't have to worry about picking up a card....Valentine's Day = covered. Not so fast!

Yesterday we're relaxing and enjoying our Saturday morning when my work phone rings. I never bring this phone home, and of course the one time I do it actually rings. I contemplate letting it go to voice mail and playing the 'We were out and about, and I must not of heard it go off' card, but my conscious get the better of me and I take the call. It's a girl from work who says that there's a delivery for me. She says its flowers. I got flowers? I got flowers! I can't even believe it. Since I'm relatively new to work, I knew they couldn't have been from a patient. So I get B to fess up that they are from him. I never get flowers, and not because he doesn't want to send them, I just don't want him to waste money. I'm just so touched I cry, and cry, and cry. Here, with all that he is going through, he still thinks of me and gets me flowers, and now all I have for him is a stupid card. Well, it's the thought that counts, right?!

So, I head upstairs and get ready for a trip to my parents house when there's a knock at the door....now what?!? We get a delivery everyday, below is a picture of our freezer from just some of the meals we've been sent, so I can only guess what we have in store today. I open the door, and to my surprise...MORE FLOWERS! Now I'm totally confused. I was thinking maybe a secret admirer, or my mother in law, DBone. I open them up, read the little card and find out, they too, are from B! What in the freakin heck is going on?? B explains that there was a mix-up with FTD and a made up storm in New Jersey, so I get 2 deliveries of the most beautiful flowers for the price of one! Surprise surprise! Maybe I could get used to being surprised.



I am a seriously lucky girl...what a hell of a surprise. This is right up there with the time he packed my lunch and included a napkin that said "I hope you have a great lunch...sorry I did not pack your hemorrhoid cream". That was a typical B surprise. Or, sometimes when I'm going to the bathroom he hides around the corner and when I come out, he scares the...well, not crap, but the heck out of me. Another typical B surprise. And that's why I am now teaching myself to like surprises.

Another notable quality in B is his determination, which comes in handy right now. B does not let anything get in the way of what he has planned. We have been bowling in a league since the start of his diagnosis. Actually week 1 is when we found out that the tumor in the leg was cancer. I dropped that bomb to our friends, The Kisses, before the first ball was thrown. Not a nice move...sorry about that team! Each week B gets a little weaker and walks with more of a gimp....all he needs is an oxygen tank, and tubes in his nose and he would fit right in at the retirement home up the street. Or the casino.

So, every week we have bowled, except when he ended up in the hospital, but even then, all drugged up he was asking if we could still bowl and they told him yes! He was planning on leaving the hospital and coming back! Well, we missed that week. But when we bowl, B hobbles up to the line, takes one step with the good leg and just muscles the ball down the lane using all arms. He never lets on that he is in pain, but you can see it in his face that he's just not comfortable. I know, I know...but you try and tell him he can't go bowling this week. NOT GONNA HAPPEN! Plus, he's not bad. Last week he got 6 strikes in the 2nd game, leading to a 190. He is just incredible. I could never do what he does everyday, and for that I'm lucky. He shows what it's like to keep on with life and to laugh at even the toughest times, especially when all you really want to do is pull a blanket over your head and cry.



I love you, B!
__________________________________________

This is my part of the post. The part where I tell you how much I love L and how strong she is. And I'm not going to make it as long as she did, so just bear with me. She deserves it!

I owe L so much that I can't even put it all into words. She's the reason I decided to finally get looked at. She's the person who has been with me for all the news every doctor had to share, and she's the one who drives me crazy thinking of all the 'what ifs' and 'how comes'. But, she's also the one who helped me figure out how to use crutches (not as easy as you might think...try going up and down a flight of stairs, just once), how to walk with a cane (which I'm learning to master now), and she's the one who warms the car up for me whenever we leave so I don't hurt from shivering. She is the most patient person I have ever met, and that's why I owe her the world.



The smallest thing I could ever do for L is send her flowers. So, I lucked out a bit when they sent double. But still, I feel like I owe her so much more. Just 6 months ago when we vowed to love each other "in sickness and in health", we never could have imagined this was around the corner. And I never could have imagined anyone more perfect to help me deal with all of this. L might shed all the tears, but she is a lot stronger than she lets on. Her work is high-stress, and she has yet to call in for a personal day. Even when co-workers get under her skin, she pushes it aside, does her work, and comes home with a smile on her face. Never letting me know how much pain she really is in.

Her pain is a lot different than mine. Physical pain is easy to deal with. I let on that I'm in pain with every step I take. Anybody and everybody around me knows I hurt and they ask what they can do for me. Her pain, emotional pain, has to be harder to deal with. Nobody knows what she's going through at home. Nobody sees her lining up my pills for the day, or bringing me breakfast because I can't do it myself, or walking me to the bathroom at 4 am.

She's sacrificed so much the last couple months, and we both know we have a tough road ahead of us. But she is the vehicle that is driving us, and I know we'll get to that finish line safe and sound because of L. She has been strong through everything we've dealt with so far, and I couldn't be more appreciative. I love you, L, and you deserve the double dose of flowers!

Happy Valentine's Day!