Days to Months

The last few days have been a bit hard to swallow, but I guess in the long run, it's not such a big deal. The week started with a bang as I woke up Monday, yes that means I was actually asleep, and felt different. It felt like I was getting more strength in my leg, I just couldn't use it fully. But the strength felt like it was coming back.

Does this mean I'm ready and able to go run sprints because I'm so happy pitchers and catchers are finally reporting? No, not exactly. But it does mean, at least psychologically, that I'm starting to get closer to being able to support my weight on both legs. I can stretch it out a bit more, and it just feels, for lack of a better word, better.

I go to treatment Monday and actually drive myself. I have an exam to give later on, so due to our car situation, L gets a ride to work and the vehicle is all mine. Priscilla Protege and me have a date and I couldn't be more excited. See, when L drives me around town, I tend to get a little queasy. Something about her desire to hit the gas and brake pedals as many times as possible in a 2 block stretch just doesn't agree with my stomach....or brain....or lunch! Needless to say, I've had a rough go of it lately when we've gone out to run errands because she was in the captain's seat...and I could only sit shotgun counting the seconds until we landed in the driveway.



So, I prove to L, and myself, Sunday night that I can drive, and I must have passed her test because she trusted me with the ride Monday. Score! Anyways, I go to treatment, give the exam and then have my ultrasound. Without getting into too many details, you should know it's exactly like the ultrasound they give to pregnant women. Except instead of hoping to see a little heart beating, I'm praying the tech doesn't do a double-take! She doesn't. And the doctor comes in later to assure me he is "confident this is not the source of the cancer." WHEW!

Monday = Success! And when the week starts out good, there are only 2 ways it can finish...build off the success and be a total winner, OR, all downhill from there.

Tuesday, Big D picks me up for treatment and we have our meeting with Dr. #3 afterward to discuss the progress. I explain to him that this is the most comfortable I have been during treatment since it all started, so it must be getting better. *sidenote* Laying on the table for the three minutes of radiation is excruciating for me. The way my leg is extended just kills, and I need to be pretty still, so there's not much relief. The best words I hear all day are "OK, we're all done."

Anyways, it feels better during treatment (well, doesn't hurt as much), but I'm still extremely sore and am nowhere close to walking on my own yet. Yes, I can drive. And yes, I feel like my leg is there again. But, yes, I still struggle going up stairs. And I still hurt when I sit, bend or move into the wrong position. Plus, when all this started, both Dr. #2 and 3 told me they were confident I would begin feeling relief within 7-10 days. Maybe 7-10 treatments.



Well, we're beyond both of those marks now, and relief isn't exactly knocking down my door. Dr. #3 explains to me and Big D that radiation sometimes swells a tumor, and because of the location of the tumor in my hip (between the head of the femur and my pelvis), the radiation could actually be swelling the tumor into the bone, which is causing me to still feel pain. He informs us that it could be a month or two after radiation is complete before I start feeling relief, and ultimately, comfort.

But wait, there's more. He still feels confident that the 15 radiation sessions will destroy this tumor. However, he says the last option, if it doesn't heal after 3-6 months, would be a total hip replacement. A total hip replacement?? I'm 28 Doc, not 82! How could I play hoops again with a fake hip? Could I even swing a golf club again with an artificial hip? These are questions racing around in my head, of course, but I take the news in stride and just hope - no - beg, plead and pray, the healing takes place sooner rather than later.

On our way out of the office I tell my 10am weekday date, Big D, how disappointed I am that I wasn't given this news quicker and I just want to be healthy again. I was hoping to be all better in a couple months, maybe six at the most! He calms me down and explains to me the big picture. He says he's hoping I'm better in a year. What's 1 year when you're only 28 and still in pretty good health, aside from all this, he asks. I guess he's right.

I determine the initial prediction was a best-case scenario, and maybe they didn't have all the info when they gave me their estimate for relief. Knowing that I'm doing everything they tell me to, and they're doing everything they can to make me better is reassuring. This was the first time through all of this that I really started to think negatively, but I see why it's so important to remain positive and optimistic.

Today, I woke up pretty sore. I don't know if it was from the way I slept (yup, that's about 5 consecutive nights of sleep- even if it is sitting up and on the couch, as opposed to sprawling out in our bed) or from trying stretches to relieve some of the pain, but I was definitely not feeling right. I'm not blaming the pain on the negativity, but maybe thinking like that just makes the bad things more noticeable. Thankfully, the technicians at radiation are so good at making small talk and making me feel comfortable that when I get home I find that positivity I had until yesterday, and now the pain is pretty minimal. Lesson learned! Smile and stay encouraged...it could always be worse!

Tonight is bowling night, and I'm planning something big. Last week I had a great 2nd game, but the 1st and 3rd games were frustrating. I just couldn't get a rhythm going. Tonight, I'm shooting for 2 solid games and 1 just-ok-game. No matter what happens though, there's always next week. And next Wednesday is my last day of radiation...so healing begins then! Ahhh, it could be worse.





**Editor's Note - This post was written yesterday afternoon, but was awaiting proofreading. Bowling went less than great last night, but still, next week's bowling will be the official beginning of healing time!**