Tests of a Different Level

I come to hate the saying that thing can't get much worse, because in our case they can and they will. As most of you know B is still in the hospital. He has been here almost 2 weeks now. I have come to like most of the staff, but let's be honest, I wish I never knew any of them. So Friday wrapped up with the final few tests that all the Dr.'s had been waiting on. D-Bone and B's lil Bro came up to the hospital early and were there to support B while I attempted to work a full day. The first test was the hip aspiration. From what I can gather the procedure was a success and the radiologist was able to extract about 120-150mL of brownish fluid from B's hip. It was the hope of everyone here that this aspiration would relieve some of B's hip pain and would yield some improvement in his recovery and return home. The fluid has been sent out for analysis and we are still waiting to hear the results. I believe that Dr. # 4 and Dr. # 11 sent the fluid out for cytology to determine if the fluid was carrying cancer cells or not.

Immediately following this procedure B was then pushed away on his awesome stretcher for the completion of his MRI. The MRI imaged B's entire spine and hip and up until this point it has been impossible to get the test completed because laying flat on the MRI table causes B tremendous pain. So this time around they made B comfortable by using anesthesia, so they put him out like he was having surgery. This way the Dr.'s were able to get the studies complete and sent out for review. By the time I got to the room B was awake and in terrible pain. The problem is, Dr. # 15 ran a trial of prialt, the snail poison, on Thursdsay and it seemed to work. However the trail only lasted for about 6-8 hours, so by Friday morning B was back in terrible pain. As I understand the prialt is very expensive so the Dr.'s wanted to make sure it was going to give some relief before ordering a ton of it. Well it worked, but Dr. # 15 was unable to get enough of the drug to fill B's pump until Monday at 11 am. So they pretty much told us we were going to have a terrible weekend and that was just the way it was. So, as I said, by the time I got back to his room on Friday things were really bad. I had the RN page Dr. # 12 and both B and I requested conscious sedation. At this point we figured that putting B into a coma over the weekend would be the best alternative. Dr. # 12 didn't necessary agree so he doubled the dose of all the meds B was already on (morphine, dilaudid, ketamine, valium, methadone, decadron), and this pretty much put B into a catatonic state. By 1 am on Saturday, B had no idea who I was, or where we were. He was totally tripping, for real tripping. He was saying some of the craziest things and his eyes were moving so fast they would not focus.

Finally by Saturday morning B seemed a bit better and a bit more comfortable. D Bone came back to the hospital very early so that I could head home for a shower and to do a few things around the house. The plan was for her and B's lil Bro to head back to the D today, Saturday, for a break and to get caught up on some things back home. D Bone's plan was to come back on Monday, and hopefully get B back home. So I returned to the hospital around 12 or so and D Bone and B's lil Bro hit the road. B's dad and Stepmom were scheduled for a visit today so B and I just hung out until they got up to room 5272. The visit was going great until Jamie, Dr. # 4's PA, came into the room to check on B. For whatever reason I decided to ask her if the results were in from the MRI. I knew things were bad when she said " I had hoped you wouldn't asked, but since you did I am obligated to let you know what is going on". She proceeded to tell us that the MRI showed a ton on new cancer spots on his spine. She was very delicate and said that the on-call oncologist would be in within the hour to review things with us.

I was at a total loss for words. I really didn't expect them to tell us that the cancer had spread. I didn't even think that was an option. B just burst into tears and I followed suit. I mean how can this happen? Really more cancer? Haven't we had enough fun already? Isn't it time for a break? And by this time D Bone was nearly home. You know how hard it is to call D Bone with this news? It is terrible being the person who has to deliver news to a mother that her son's cancer has gotten worse. Not to mention we had a million questions and the PA was deferring all of them to the on-call onclologist. All we knew was that things were bad, but we weren't sure how bad. About 30 minutes later, B's Auntie R, the Dr., called us and had us write down some serious questions to ask the on-call oncologist. At this point neither B or I could get a grip. It seemed every time I stopped crying, I would start up again. I felt like our little nieces who cry hysterically when they misplace their blanket, but they're 3, I'm 29. I immediately called my parents and asked that they come up to the hospital and bring Bear. There is nothing better than seeing you very own dog, and we've been missing her, and I was sure that she would bring a smile to both our faces.

About an hour later the on-call oncologist came into the room to deliver the news. The cancer has spead, and quite a bit. He told us that B has a spot in every bone in his spinal column, about 30 new spots or so. The spots all vary in shape and size, from 2-3mm to 12-15mm. From a treatment stand point he said that the main goal is to get B comfortable and out of pain. So it could mean more radiation, chemo, or both at the same time. He told us that this is something that we will discuss at length with Dr. # 4 on Monday morning. He told us that the cancer is only in the bone and we should remain hopeful since in the past radiation has worked well to treat cancerous spots in the bone in B's case. He didn't really say much more other than he was sorry and that he would again be by to see us tomorrow. I seriously almost passed out. My hands were shaking so bad, and by this point B had pulled the sheet over his face. What a joke right? There is nothing to say. I feel helpless and like we are drowning and the surface keeps getting further and further away and it is getting harder and harder to reach air. I mean what are we supposed to do at this point? What does this mean? We also asked about the results of the hip biopsy and those came back negative, so I guess that is good.

So you can pretty much say we had a f-ing terrible, horrible, gut wrenching, exhausting, sleepless Saturday, how perfect! D Bone is heading back to GR agian today and she is bringing Auntie R. We need to figure out what to do from here. I think we agree that it is time to get a fresh set of eyes on B for real, but when and where? There is discussion about Karmonos, but I wonder if we should take him to Mayo, Texas, Kettering, anywhere that can help him. I would take him to China and carry him on my back if I had to. So I guess we will just have to wait and see. As for now we are all digesting this info, we certainly appreciate the thoughts and prayers and I will again update later this week once we have more information.

Oh and to add insult to injury, B has C Diff, need I say more!

Surgery Done but Recovery is NOT Fun

L, again live from 5 south, and what seems like home these days. When I last blogged, B was awaiting surgery, well today marks day 3 post op and B is still in pain. From a surgical standpoint, the surgery was a great success. Dr. # 15 was able to place the catheter exactly where he wanted it, and he is hopeful that this new approach will work. Monday ended up being a pretty long day. The surgery started a bit late, and B ended up being in the OR for about 2 1/2 hours. The RN who assisted Dr. # 15 during the procedure came out to let us know that it took about 45 minutes to get B placed comfortably on the OR table. I guess that B's pain was so high they had to move him in little increments, and this took much longer than anticipated. While B was being sliced and diced, D Bone, Kid Bro, Nanc, Big D, and I all waited and passed the time with gossip and some Netflix viewings.

Finally Dr. # 15 came out and told us that the surgery was over. He told us that he has been working in pain management for a long time and that B's case is one of the worst he has even seen. He classified B's pain as extreme. Before wheeling B off, his pain was a 12 out of 10. It was clear to everyone, even perfect strangers, that B was suffering. After the surgery they called me back into PACU where B was resting. I must say, this was my favorite part of the day. After having such a long and hard day, B and Versed were the perfect remedy. First off, B did not believe me that the surgery was over. I think the conversation went something like this. L: "Hi honey your surgery is over and you did great." B: "don't lie to me." L: I swear your surgery is over." B: " I hate when you lie." L: "Bible swear the surgery is over." B: "Don't start with the Bible swear." and then he got quiet a minute before telling me that he was going to break my glasses on my face. I told him, simmer down now or I will break your glasses. This obviously did not bode well with B because he apologized and begged me not to break his glass. Again, B got very quiet for about 15 minutes before whispering that he had something to tell me. He told me to learn very close and then he proceeded to congratulate me on having a baby girl. What, a baby? I think all this talk of epidurals and such has Mr. Muttz very very confused.

We finally got back to our room around 7:30 or so. B was still very sedated so I headed home to shower and to drop off Kid Bro. D Bone and I stayed the night with B on 5 South. It actually wasn't' that bad of a night. B rested pretty well, except for when they came to take him for an X-Ray, which was not fun at all.

So as it stands the pump is in. Dr. # 15 is working hard to figure out if this is going to work for B or not. It is too early to tell, but yes B is still in pain. He is particularly sore in his abdomen and lower back, where the incision and stapes reside. He also has to wear an abdominal binder, which can best be described as Spanx, or a corset for men. It is not comfortable, and not pretty. And the incision is a pretty good size and it will take about 2 weeks to heal. However B is reporting the pain feels a bit different and the pain may be a bit lower. We are not sure when we are busting out of here, but are hopeful to be home snuggling with perro and gato soon.

As for today, they plan to take B down for a hip aspiration. The CT scan showed some fluid in his right hip. Dr. # 13 wants the fluid removed from the hip so that they can assure there isn't an infection. The fluid in the hip can be from a number of things, however all the Dr.'s want to be sure that this fluid is not something serious. Also they feel that by removing the fluid, they will be able to relieve additional hip pressure/pain. This is a procedure they attempted to do yesterday, however with B's pain so high they were not able to complete the procedure. So the hip aspiration is back on tap today under anesthesia. The fluid will be biopsied and we hope to have some additional answers by days end.

B continues to rate his pain as a steady 6 while he is resting in bed, and that number is about an 8 out of bed. Dr. # 12 also continues to make adjustments to the additional meds so we are hopeful to get to a 0 and soon. Please pray for us. This journey/cross is getting to much to bear.

Thanks again for stopping in and more to follow soon.

Another Surgery

This is L coming to you from 5 South. I have been staying here with B since Tuesday, and I know that I can speak for both of us by saying that we are ready to bust out of here...prison break style. With all our downtime we have been plotting our escape route. I figured the fasted way out of here would be to throw a chair through the window, tie some bed sheets together, and lower both B and I onto the parking ramp, three floors below. I will then throw, rather place, B into the hatch and squeal outta here in the Forester. That is what you call wishful thinking...haha. Since the last update not much has changed. The entire team of Dr.'s are working hard to get B's pain managed. Unfortunately at this point B is still living with some significant pain. Don't get me wrong he has had some relief, however he is still experiencing some ridiculous pain attacks, bringing both of us to tears. The worst attack to date happened late Friday night. I have to say that I feel pretty bad for the second shift RN, who showed up just as the pain climbed through the roof.

B was yelling so loud on only the quietest floor in the hospital. Picture this, a quiet, serene place, where really sick people are trying to rest and recover. And now picture a screaming, cursing 29 year old, disrupting the whole vibe. I tried hard at first to quiet B down, but then I thought, what the hell, and joined in the misery. It was a free pass to swear out loud, even Nanc gave us permission and told us to let it all out. It was a real release, and I am very much looking forward to the next time I get a free pass to yell at the top of my lungs. As his RN said, everyone ends up feeling like crap, because we were all at the mercy of the pain, and the meds. Finally after 3 hours or so, B was back in bed and resting....phew what a blessing. And that night we both slept through the night.

So now it is Saturday and I am so nervous about B and the Spartans. We woke up feeling OK and pretty well rested. We were able to watch the game. And let me be the first to say that watching MSU in the hospital is not ideal for the following reasons:
1, The little TV--I mean the TV is so small that Kurt Cousins looked like Micheal Vick
2. No HD--meaning B lost a good portion of the hair he had just regrown pulling out his long locks
3, No surround sound--we have a dinky remote in which the sounds plays out of . You literally have to hold the remote to your ear to hear the game and Brent Musburger's last slurp of Cpt'n Coke is deafened by Herbstreit's end-of-game celebration.
And Lastly,
4. No YELLING--And for all of you that watched the game understand that yelling at the TV was a big part of the game. B kept telling me to sit down, to use indoor voices, and to use the golf clap. I mean come on, the golf clap! Needless to say the Spartans pulled off a victory that resulted in some heaving LMuttz sweating, and some serious stress. Not to mention B's vitals (including Blood Pressure) had to be monitored more closely during this game. But a W is a W......8- 0: 8- 0 baby! If we can do it again next week things will be looking pretty good for Team Sparty.

After the game B and I decided to take a cruise together to the cafeteria. I took him down in the wheel chair and he steered his IV pole. It was just nice getting B out of the room. We ended up spending 18 smakcers on just junk and sweets, plus 2 apples. The girls who cashed us out were laughing, but the way I look at it, B can have whatever he wants. So we returned to the floor and continued to walk around together for about 30 minutes or so. It was a nice change of pace, and I am just glad that I am able to be here with him. We later returned to the room where B decided he would like to stay in the wheelchair rather then get back in bed. Hindsight would have been great right about now, because by the time we decided to get B in bed his body was beyond functioning. He ended up slipping a little, and landed on his knees, pinning himself between the wheelchair and bed. The good news is that his head was resting on the bed, and he was not hurt, physically. I was not strong enough to get him up myself, so I ran into the hall and yelled for help. It took 4 of us ladies, but we got B back in bed. However by this time B's ego was seriously bruised, and both he and I were brought to tears. He and I are just sick and tired of him being sick and tired....literally.

We were both able to get a good nights sleep. There is nothing better for a sound sleep than a hard pre-bed cry, some kisses, and in B 's case some serious meds. Now it is Sunday and again B is feeling OK. He is prepping his fantasy team's and is looking forward to spending the day watching NFL games with his Lil' Bro and Juancho. I plan to take off for a bit this afternoon, and as B would say head home to shit, shower, and shave.

So tomorrow B is having his surgery. It is scheduled for 12:45. The actual surgery to place the intrathecal catheter takes about 2 hours, and then B will head to recovery for a few hours. He has to stay over night in the hospital so that they can keep an eye on him. He is also scheduled to have his MRI completed tonight when they pull out the epidural. The epidural has to come out 12 hours before the surgery. This gives the staff time to squeak out the MRI and give B a chance to shower B. He is not allowed to eat or drink after 12am, so he is planning a full day of calorie stacking and resting. The intrathecal catheter will be placed under the skin in the abdomen. Dr. # 15, who will be preforming the surgery, and who will be motoring the catheter, cautioned us that there is a risk this might not help with the pain. However up to this point nothing else has worked, so we are willing to give it a shot. Dr. # 15 said that the meds he plans to use are different then the meds they are using in the epidural. Due to FDA regulations and such, they are only allowed to use a few drugs in this new catheter. Dr. # 15 said it may take a few times of making adjustments before he gets the right med mix, so we have to be patient. He made some mention of use a south pacific snail poison with morphine, but hey, if it works, who cares. We just remain hopeful that this will work.

B also has his last radiation appointment tomorrow, and he is very much looking forward to that. I can't think of anything he hates more than the radiation table. Oh and B did have a CT scan late Friday night, and they were able to rule out any spread of disease in his right hip as a possible cause for pain. They still want to look at the spine, and that is why they have the MRI back on schedule for tonight.

I promise to update some time tomorrow night. I know things will be fine, but we ask for additional prayers tomorrow since there is always risk with any surgery. Much love and thanks again for all the support.

And You Thought Epidurals Were Only For Pregnant Women

Hi Everyone! Well as some of you have figured out, B is again in the hospital. It has been a very rough 5 days, to say the least. It all started on Friday night and continued on through the entire weekend. My baby sis and the rest of the Courterier Crew came in from the Windy city for a nice long visit and to lend a hand. I knew things were pretty bad when B declined going to the pumpkin patch with the family to stay home and rest on Saturday. Not to mention when I got home on Saturday the State game was on, but B was sleeping. B is such a MSU enthusiast and never misses a game....another red light that things were heading downhill... fast!! B and I managed to make it out to dinner on Saturday night to Rose's in EGR with the Homrich Family, however it was obvious to everyone that something was very wrong. The pain was so bad that it was difficult for B to make it through dinner. He constantly had to change positions and was struggling to stay awake at the table.

So, now it's Sunday and the pain continues to climb. The annual Sunday NFL football watching session was cut short when B had an off the scale pain attack. This attack landed me on the phone with Dr # 12 and resulted in, yup, another increase in his morphine. So the visiting RN had to come to the house 2 times on Sunday. We managed to make it through the Amazing Race before hitting the hay and lights out.....or so we thought.

I was so tired on Sunday that within minutes I was lights out to the point that it was almost difficult getting me up. Unfortunately, the deep sleep was interrupted with an untolerable pain attack. This particular attack resulted in relocating B to our upstairs living room couch. Both he and pooch ended up snuggling together on the couch since the most comfortable position is a seated position.....yes I am serious when I say that B slept sitting up just like the cat and dog.

Turn the page to Monday -- the pain is continuing to climb. I again spend most of the day on the phone with the Dr.'s and they again decide to increase the morphine. With this recent increase in morphine it is now becoming increasingly difficult to carry on a conversation with B, who is now falling asleep mid-sentence. After teaching class - yes, TEACHING CLASS MONDAY NIGHT, B arrives home for some dinner and we make our way to bed. We make it through the night, and awake for Tuesday. Both B and I are exhausted, but B is suffering so much that walking is a freakin' JOKE. I again place calls into all of his Dr.'s and they pretty much order me to bring him into the hospital. This is something that I have to run by B, who does not object at all. That should give you an indication of how crappy he was feeling.

Everything happened pretty fast, but B and I were at 5 South at Butterworth by 4 pm on Tuesday. They were able to arrange a direct admit so we didn't have to go through the ER and they had room 5272 prepped and ready for Team Muttz....that is now our new happy abode (and by happy, I mean frickin place of our attendance for at least the next few days until the pain is subsided enough that B can function like a normal human being!!!)!!!

So, what's been going on since we've been here?!? The main/only goal of the direct admit is to get B's pain under control. The primary source of pain is in his right groin, and right lower back. The right lower back pain is a relatively new source of pain, however it is a real ball buster. So Tuesday night was filled with consults and a lot of team planning. We met with Dr. # 12 who had already consulted with the latest Dr. (Dr. # 14) the anesthesiologist. Both Dr.'s had decided that the best/new approach would be to introduce a epidural into the mix. The goal is to see if the epidural would produce any leg/back relief. It is both their hopes that it will, and in the case it does, they plan to insert a permanent pain pump/nerve blocking pump under the skin. The way the pump works is that it delivers pain meds directly into the spinal cord, having a faster and stronger effect on the brain receptors. The good news is that B gets to get rid of his fanny pack. So no more flash backs to the 80's....sorry ladies and gents. The only way to find out if this is worthwhile is to run a test epidural on B. This was a procedure that required an Operating Room, and was something that was scheduled early this morning. Dr. # 12 also cut back on the morphine because it was his thought that the morphine was actually having an opposite effect on B, so instead of helping it was hurting.

By nights end, Dr. # 12 introduced a new pain drug, Ketamine, and removed the morphine. Ketamine, also known as special K on the street, had a pretty toxic effect on B, and they really had to dial it back early this AM. When B woke up this morning he was complaining that he felt really "f-ed up" and he felt like he was going to blow chunks. And trust me folks, you don't want B to vomit. As I said to the RN, he is like the exorcist when he gets sick, so stand back!! Luckily, they got pain meds dialed back, thanks in large part to a full cup of ice chunks, and B started feeling much better. By this time he was already down stairs on 2 south ready for the epidural procedure to begin. So let me start by saying that B is not pregnant.....haha right?

**Side note** D-Bone and I were looking pretty rough, and I saw just about every Dr. that I work for/with. You could have easily mistaken us for Wal-Mart Wolverines.** Anyways, back to the point of this blog - who would have thought that B would be the first to get the epidural in this family?!? Nonetheless, he was! He beat me to the punch. Right now, B has a temporary epidural in his spine, and the Dr.'s are working dilligently to figure out the right cocktail of meds that are going to work for him. We are hopefully optimistic, as Dr. 14 put it. At this particular time, however, B is not feeling any better!! They told us to plan on being here through the weekend, so our plans for a trip to Chicago this weekend have been canceled...we'll miss you fellas, but we're confident you'll make us proud - Go Green!

We also met with Dr. # 4, who ordered an MRI. B was only able to make it through half of the lumbar/thoracic MRI due to pain, and it looks like they are going to have to hold off in completing the scan since the epidural has metal in it. And metal and an MRI equal a big no no. So Dr. # 4 and Dr. # 14 are going to work out a time in between the removal of the temporary epidural and the pump-install procedure to get the MRI completed. The MRI is to rule out any spread of disease...poo poo.

Well, that's all I have energy to type for now...plus I think I am burning a whole in the keyboard...plus, B is actually still trying to get some work done tonight and create an online lecture for his classes tomorrow!. Both B and I have met some family and friends here in the hospital that happened to be on B's care team, which is comforting. What a small world! We appreciate the prayers and kinds words, and are just hoping for the best so that we can get a bit of B back.

Thank you all for your support, and we'll be in touch with updates as we get them!!

Love,
The Muttz's

A Very Unbirthday to B

Hello again Family and Friends. Both B and I apologize for not updating the blog sooner but we have been pretty tired and have held off until we had all the new info at hand.....and at last we do. So to start off B's birthday was this past Monday. And unfortunately it was less than a happy one. First off B has not been feeling great..shocking right? It is almost a joke to even talk about the pain issue. I have nothing to say except enough already! The radiation is really kicking his butt and his pain remains very very high. B is currently having 4 spots radiated this time. One on his sternum, one on his back right rib, one on his right hip/groin, and one on his left hip. And with 4 spots being zapped with each treatment, it takes what seems to be forever at the radiation oncology department. And Monday is B's longest working day. He starts every Monday before 8 am. He holds office hours all day, followed up by an hour long radiation treatment, and then off to class, only to return home after 9. As you can imagine Mondays sucks. However this particular Monday was particularly bad because his radiation treatment ran over, making B late for his Monday class.....the class in which he was scheduled to administer a test. And low and behold, B tried to reach me via my crackberry, and of course, surprise surprise my phone was dead. B had hoped to reach me so that I could give him a hand and take the tests down to class to get things going, but he was unable to reach me. So by the time I got the message he was home. My crackberry was so dead that in the upper right corner the phone read radio off. What a joke. After returning home, the at home RN Sarah felt compelled to stop by for a long visit with B. She happened to arrive right as I had just warmed up dinner. So B had to sit with her, during her extended visit, and watch his burrito get colder and colder, while thinking about how hungry he was, and how much he wanted her to leave. Sarah has a knack of dragging each appointment out and she always comments on how high his blood pressure is. I mean I understand where she is coming from because B's blood pressure is high, but it has been this high for months, which can only be credited to his long lasting pain and all the drugs he is on, added with the stress of life and you end up with a high BP...understandable!! Monday ended terribly, and as they would say it in Alice in Wonderland - Happy Unbirthday to B! We have never been happier to have a day end.

And now comes Wednesday. Wednesday started off pretty horrible too. I happened to knock B's pain pump onto the bathroom floor. This is not something that takes 6 foot falls very lightly (the thing weighs at least 3 lbs and is zipped in this black fanny pack B has to carry around daily - because it's attached to his aorta) and within minutes the pump was making funny noises before shutting down. So this little accident cost B 4 hours of being without his morphine. Not something we hoped to have happen during a time in which B is having some of his highest pain attacks. I felt terrible and it was an accident, just a costly accident at that. So after the delivery of a new pump, B and I had a date with Dr. # 4. This is an appointment we' ve been waiting for. During this appointment we found out that Dr. # 4 had spoken with the latest Dr. who was introduced into the mix as a second opinion. We will name this Dr., Dr. # 14. Dr. # 14 spoke with Dr. # 4 for some time about the newest plan for B's care. Dr. # 14 comes highly recommended from Karmanos Cancer Center in the Detroit area. Dr. # 14 specializes in gastric/esophageal cancer, which is the direction Dr. # 4 was leaning in terms of treating B's cancer. Since the caner has spread again, both Dr's agree that it is time again to change B's chemo. So starting a week from next Wednesday, B will again begin Chemo. This is a chemo that will be administered every 2 weeks, however the good news is that Dr. # 4 said that the infusion could be delivered all in 1 sitting....translation, goodbye chemo fanny pack. How delightful! There was also mention of giving B a shot, which would help deal with bone pain, however we are going to hold off with the shot and see if radiation works. We are hopeful that the radiation will work since B had responded quite well to radiation in the past. I guess you could say that we have a lot invested in this round of radiation. B has said that he has reached his breaking point in terms of the pain. He can't and won't take much more. Radiation wraps up this Thursday, however he finished up with 3 of the spots this past Thursday. I guess it's too soon to say whether the radiation has worked or not, however, in the next few weeks we should have a good read on what is going on.

It has been a long and hard few days, mixed with many emotions, ranging from sad, mad, angry, and confused. So this weekend brings much rest and relaxation. We both intend to spend some time with our nieces and nephew and we intend to have a happy birthday dinner with the my fam clan this weekend. Might I add we did get to spend some time with the B fam clan last weekend to formally celebrate B's birthday as well. We can only imagine what it is that B wished for this birthday, however I think we all have a pretty good idea.

And lastly B got himself a new whip. He has been rocking out a new green and black walker. That's right, folks! B finally broke down and got himself a bad ass walker. It has many cool features, one being a cool seat which he uses to take breaks during his long campus walks. As you can imagine, his walking has gotten pretty hard and he needs all the help he can get, so bring on the walker. It doesn't do much for his self image, but who cares anymore at this point. If people don't understand they can kiss off.

Once again, Go Green and thank you football Gods for the ass kicking that the Spartans handed to the Wolverines. It was a great weekend being a Sparty....just had to give a shout out to my beloved Spartans and Kirk Cousins!! Good luck this weekend at Homecoming with the Illini!!

The Real Test of Our Patience.

This week was what I would call a true test of my patience. B has been using the morphine pump for just over 1 week. This pump was introduced to B to bring relief and up until yesterday it has been a real pain in the dupa. With B still having extreme pain, the pain pump has been working overtime. And since the pump is working so hard the battery life of the pain pump is very short. And for some reason the pump feels compelled to shut down in the middle of every night. So this means that I am running up and down the stairs every night to get batteries for the pump. I guess you could say there is a real learning curve, and we now bring batteries up to the room every night, but it is highly inconvenient. There is nothing worse then getting woken up with a loud buzzing alarm every night. And then imagine both B and I trying to figure what the heck is going on. We end up in a haze for about 5 minutes before figuring out exactly what is going on. And I am really mean when I get scared out of my sleep. Mrs. Muttz loves her sleep and I am a true "B" when I get torn out of a good ol REMming session. I can't help myself, however I am less than a loving wife that is for sure.

Not only that every time there is a change in the dose of the morphine, which has been almost every day, an at home RN has to come out to the house. All three RN's are really really nice, but it seems like everything is a big production. There has not been 1 time where any one RN has been at the house any less than 2 hours. The first time out, the pharmacy sent a pump that was dead, so the pump would not prime. The RN was on the phone for over 1 hour with the pharmacy and then we had to wait for a pack of batteries to arrive. The next time she was here she brought a RN in training, because she is going on vacation. Well she let the new RN put in a new line and a new morphine bag, and she ended up doing it wrong and as a result the entire morphine bag was trashed and the pharmacy had to deliver new supplies and what was supposed to be a simple 5 minute job turned into a 3 hour ordeal. In addition, B was without morphine that entire time! I really can't believe that I haven't blow a gasket. I believe that everyone should know how to do their job....so just be honest. It really makes me mad when people who don't know what they're doing act like they do. Just say you don't know what you are doing. I would rather you say you don't know than act like you do. Especially when you are dealing with people with serious illnesses. I mean come on....what a freaking joke.

In addition B has been feeling pretty bad, well enough of the sugar coating, he feels like shit! He has had some off the chart pain attacks that have ended up with some late calls into the Dr's office and a ton of debating as whether or not to take him into the ER. I actually ended up yelling so loud one night it scared B right out of bed. I never yell. I don't even think I know how to yell, but something deep and dark inside came out. I was just so tired, and so scared, and so frustrated because B was suffering so much. He was yelling and had pain rated at an 11 out of 10 on the pain scale. B actually said that the pain was so bad he could chew through his leg...who says that except Hannibal Lecter? His heart rate was through the roof and he was sweating like Kobe Bryant in the 4th quarter of game 7 in the NBA playoffs. It is torture seeing someone you love lay there helpless on the bed. Talk about a bad month......more like a bad year.

And since I am no longer sugar coating, you should all know that B is considering using a wheelchair. That should say it all. Those of you who are lucky enough to know B personally, know that a wheelchair is something B would only resort to if he absolutely had to. Well he is resorting, or at least considering. At this point it is hard for him to get from the house to the car. And then from the car to class. What a joke right? So the truth is B is not OK. We are not OK. B is scheduled to meet with Dr. # 4 and # 11 this week. And he continues to undergo radiation every day for the next 2 weeks. He is having radiation on his neck/ rib/ sternum as well as his leg. From what I can gather it is quite difficult radiating the spot in his leg due to its location and due to the fact that it is a painful position for B to maintain. It is our hope that the radiation helps with some of the pain so that the morphine pump can focus on treating the right leg. B has resorted to shuffling around and it is becoming more difficult for him to lift his right leg off the ground. He actually has chaffing marks on the back of his right leg. This has been caused by B constantly lifting his leg up and down since he no longer has the strength in his leg to do it without help from his upper body. Hard to imagine.

We are still trying to maintain some sort of normalcy in our lives, but it is pretty hard. We headed to the EL last weekend for some tailgating and it was fun but different. B had a hard time staying awake and we had to be sure to keep him dry since the last thing this kid needs is to catch a cold. I know we had a good time, but I also know that B over did it! Right now what B needs most is rest so I think we are going to have to take a step back and just work hard on getting him better.

Sorry that we don't have better news. We are still working on getting in for a second opinion and we will keep you updated as the info comes in. Looking forward to watching the MSU vs. U of M game.....and let me be the first to say.....GO STATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!