Star Light Star Bright

Dear Ben,

It has now been 14 weeks since I've seen that crocked smile or held your pudgy hands. I continue to struggle with the fact that you are gone. Gone forever from my physical grasp. Megs, Mike, and the kids came in town this past weekend. It was busy.....that's for sure. Arleigh Grace is a perfect blend of Megs and I. She doesn't stop for a minute, just like her Auntie, however she is such a scaredy cat, just like Mommy. Arleigh might be the only kid I know afraid of butterflies. By the way we took the kids to the butterfly gardens. It was a nice distraction, but to be honest it doesn't take the pain away. What brings me deep sadness is the fact that the kids are never going to know how great their Uncle Ben was. All they have are pictures, but those pale in comparison as to how great you are in person. Unfortunately they are too young to remember your humor, or your passion for life, and they are never going to get a golf lesson from a man who was more than willing to teach. All they are going to remember is a sad and lost Auntie. It breaks my heart when Kensley asks, "where's Uncle Ben", or when she answers her own question by saying, "Uncle Ben's in Heaven". It's just not the same, and everyone's' hurting.

Dana and I booked a vacation to Mexico. The official countdown is on. I must say, other than you, I don't know anyone more deserving of a vacation than me.....is that self centered to say? Well I don't care....I need a vacation. And no taking off 2 weeks for your funeral doesn't count as a vacation! Can you believe someone actually had the gull to say that I had a vacation a few months ago....I don't think so, dream on, dream on. Not that Mexico is going to make me feel better, but at least I get to sulk in a bathing suit in the sun, drinking a dirty monkey.....our favorite. Let's just hope that I don't get too drunk and wander off the resort....that's all Big D and Nanc need....a call from the Mexican Drug Cartel.

And you won't believe this.....GVSU is starting a memorial fund in your name. The scholarhship has been named the Benjamin Mutnick Mettle Memorial Scholarship.
Mettle is defined as "a person's ability to cope well with difficulties or to face a demanding situation in a spirited and resilient way" or "the quality of mind enabling one to face danger or hardship resolutely". What an honor.....what an honor. You continue to inspire and touch people, simply amazing.

So tonight, I hope to see you in my dreams, and I plan to wish upon a star. I have yet to dream of my healthy and loving husband. Unfortunately the only image I am able to see, is the shell of who you became as a result of the unforgiving disease you had. Cancer destroyed so much of who you were, but it didn't damage your heart or your love for me. I only hope that some day, the Ben that I new and loved will come to see me in my dreams........

Star light, star bright, First star I see tonight, I wish I may, I wish I might, Have the wish I wish tonight.