Adjusting to Life Without Ben

So I thought long and hard about whether or not I should do a final blog and I guess I owe this much to B. B was such an integral part of all our lives. It seems surreal that he is no longer here. I am officially back home to our place in Grand Rapids. The house seems so different now. As the deacon said at B's funeral, there seems to be a veil that covers everything in life. Colors seem faded, jokes less funny, and my heart seems hallow. His essence surrounds me. His shoes still fill the front entrance way, I am still washing his dirty laundry, and our dog still stares out the front window watching for B to pull in the driveway. It almost seems like he is away at a conference or on a vacation, but the truth of the matter is he isn't coming home.

I find it very difficult to breathe and have being pouring through pictures of us from the past 6 years. One thing I must say is B is/was very very handsome. Damn I landed me one hunk! For those of you who weren't able to make it in to see B on his way I decided to include a copy of the eulogy from one of B's closest friends as well as a link to a blog written by B's longest friend in the world. I guess this is the best way I could pay honor to my best friend, my soul mate, my marido, my bff, my homeboy, my husband. Thanks again for loving both B and I and for supporting us on this tortuous journey. Find the touching story of Tony and B at http://www.startswithanx.com/ and a copy of John's eulogy below.

EULOGY FOR BEN

Hello, my name is John Lipford. Ben was one of my dearest friends. I would like to share the following words with you as we gather to celebrate his life. First, I would like to extend my most sincere sympathy to Lindsay (Ben’s wife) and Dianne (Ben’s mother); the women who molded Ben into a man of true character and stood steadfast beside him until he was carried to the shelter of the Lord.

I offer my most heartfelt condolences to Lindsay’s parents, Nancy and Don Homrich, who provided constant care and support during Ben’s time of need, as if he was their own son. I express my deepest empathy for Ben and Lindsay’s immediate family members and closest friends, who witnessed and nurtured Ben and Lindsay’s undying love during the good times and the not so good times.

Finally, I am most gracious to every one here today, in mind and spirit, for being an integral part of today’s service. We all offer our hearts up for Ben and pray he have a remarkable journey until we are able to join him.

If I may speak on Ben’s behalf, he would especially thank all of you who sent him chocolate covered strawberries, cookies, donuts, pies, chocolates, and other candy, during the past year. From the many people gathered here today, it is apparent Ben was exactly who I first thought he was when I first met him. Loved by many, particularly because of his compassion, humor, and strength.

Many of you knew Ben before I had the pleasure to, and I am sure many memories of Ben and stories close to your heart have been flowing like a river in recent days and will continue to do so forever.Ben and I first met in 2003 during our first year of law school at Michigan State. In fact, Ben and I sat next to each other in one of our first classes. Little was I to know that over the next 7 years I would become especially impressed with his commitment to love, athletics, education, and work. Little was I to know that we and our wives would become best friends, that we would live within minutes of each other, that we would have some great times with all of the mutual friends we all made along the way. Little was I to know that I would lose my friend too soon.

However, the struggles I, and all of you endure today, are eclipsed by the love Ben had for his family, friends and, especially, Lindsay. In Ben and Lindsay’s first year of marriage, they endured more challenges than most couples who have been, or will be, married for decades. Yet, their love always was constant, strong, unrelenting. I read Ben and Lindsay’s whole blog last night. I was engulfed for hours with a rainbow of emotions, but, the underlying theme, was that Ben and Lindsay were, and will always be, soulmates.

Lindsay once wrote “Ben shows what it's like to keep on with life and to laugh at even the toughest times, especially when all you ‘really want to do is pull a blanket over your head and cry’ Every day together is a blessing and I am thankful to be able to help Ben.”

In describing his enduring love for Lindsay, Ben said, “when we vowed to love each other "in sickness and in health", we never could have imagined this was around the corner. I never could have imagined anyone more perfect to help me deal with all of this. Lindsay always comes home with a smile on her face. . . . She has been strong through everything we've dealt with, and I couldn't be more appreciative. I love you, Lindsay”

Through Ben’s fight, he and Lindsay were a testament to the fact that Life is about love and, really, only love. Love for each other, love for family, love for friends, love for the earth. Ben and Lindsay’s love has transcended millions of miles of this earth as evidenced by all of you here today and the countless number of kind words of support and sympathy which have been offered to them over the past year by family, close friends, distant friends, students and even some complete strangers.

I share with you that, in describing his love for all of you (as well as those who may not have been able to be with us today), Ben wrote “I appreciate everyone's support, it's been nice hearing from so many people I lost contact with. I know at some point we entered each other's lives for one reason or another, and I'm glad you appreciate that reason and re-connected with me, even if it's been awhile, or continue to be an instrumental part of my life” “Your wishes, support, advise, strength, stories and love help make each day enjoyable.

I'm not the type of person who sits and thinks about the disease I have or talks about it regularly. But it's nice to know that there is a group of you out there that I can come to when I do have something to say”.

Ben wrote in his first blog entry that “with the support of all of you, and Lindsay, and the love everyone I haven't spoken to in years has passed on, we are all certain I will beat this.”

Now, Ben may not have been able to conquer cancer (a foe which takes many of our loved ones from their life on earth), but he endured it with a true valor, an attitude which reflected his soul would never be held captive because of his illness. No. Ben…. put up a remarkable fight, ……unrivaled by any challenge which I, …….and I am sure many of you, …..have ever seen. I tried and tried to find a quote for Ben, Lindsay, his family and loved ones to provide some comfort. One which stuck out was, Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality. ~Emily Dickinson

However, why we are here, is to simply say “I love you Ben” and “We got this”!