You Win Some, You Lose Some...More Like You Lose Some and Then You Lose Some More!

Today marks 4 weeks and 1 day that B has been in the hospital, but who's counting right? At this point I don't really know what to say. B's condition is much the same. Unfortuantley the Dr.'s have yet to hit the sweet spot with B's pain meds. It was early Monday morning when Dr. # 4 came into B's room and was very disturbed. B's pain was so bad that he was yelping like a wounded seal. His face was so twisted, and I think he said the "F" word over 30 times. Dr. # 4 said that he was going to consult with Dr. # 12 about a new course of treatment.

Dr. # 4 felt it might be time to try samarium. This drug is actually a radioactive isotope. It is given as an infusion and is used to treat bone pain in patients with serious metastatic bone involvement. It has proven to be very effective and very fast acting in treating bone pain. It is usually used to treat patients with prostate cancer, however at this point, Dr. # 4 thought that it would be valuable to give it a whirl. The only problem with samarium is that is can really lower the blood counts, and could effect B's chemotherapy treatments. But at this point getting the pain in check is everyone's primary goal.

Dr. # 4 consulted with Dr. # 12 and they both decided it was a go. So yesterday B had to have a bone scan and actually had to be moved to a lead insulated room. This is standard hospital protocol for someone who is receiving radiation treatment, and who effectively glows in the dark. I often times flashed to the opening scenes of the Simpson's where Homer is holding radioactive bar just before if flies into his protective suit....you all know what I'm talking about. Last night around 6, B was taken to the basement and the bone scan was set in motion. It was absolutely the most horrify experience both D Bone and I have had to date. B was screaming so loud that my heart was racing, and I actually had to tell myself to calm down. He was crying for them to stop to the test, and he invented new swear words. He was blending shit and damn and it came out shadamn. I all but wanted to cry....all I can say is disturbing.

So now it is 7 or so and we are back in his new room, trying to calm him down. Finally after a few hours he was back to resting comfortably....phew. By this time Dr. # 12 stopped in to see how things were going. We spent some time together and I had a few questions including the purpose of the bone scan. He said that he needed the bone scan as a baseline to chart any progress and that we were definitely a go for tomorrow with the samarium. B, D Bone, Auntie R, and I were all looking forward to the shot and to the possible benefit it could provide.

I had visions of B feeling better and being able to enjoy Thanksgiving with his loving family. I dreamed of us walking together on the beach, holding hands, watching Bear splash around in the water. All I want is for B and I getting some normalcy back. It pains me to go home and see pictures from our wedding. I want to throw them out the window. I still can't believe this is happening to B. But as I said I had hopes that God would come to the rescue with this shot. I knew it was going to be the answer we had been waiting for.

Now it is Wednesday, and I have come over to the hosptial on my lunch to spend time with B and check in. Coincidentally Dr. # 12 showed up and informed us that B didn't qualify for the shot. It just figures. He said that he didn't know there was a prerequisite to getting the injection and only after reviewing the scan and talking to the radiologists did he learn that B couldn't get the shot. I about died. D Bone had tears in her eyes. I was able to hold it together to get the information from Dr. # 12, but burst into tears the minute I got back to work. You just can't image our disappointment. I guess there two types of metastatic bone cancers, and B has osteolytic bone disease, eliminating him from this treatment. Dr. # 12 explained that B's bone disease is an erosive bone disease and the shot would be useless for treating pain. Again, I still can't believe it, and I'm crying now as i relive this experience again through the blog. This picture says it all!

So what does this mean for B? Not sure. Not sure how they next plan to treat the pain. And just imagine how hard it was to tell B. He almost cried too. Everyone keeps saying we are going to catch a break, but when? When is this break coming? I'd sure like to know!

There also has been talks of inducing B into a coma for 72 hours, but this would be a last resort. Dr. # 12 said that it might help to reset B's pain receptors, but B would have to go on a feeding tube, and most likely a ventilator with the possibility of intubation. I don't know about you all, but that sounds like a load of shit to me. Again the Dr.'s plan to adjust the meds and to try new things so we have hope that something will work. I am a small person, with a small heart, and it has been broken time and time again. I am not giving up hope and I am not quitting the fight, nor is D Bone or B, but this fight is kicking our butts. I will never quit fighting for B, I love him with my small heart. It would be a gross understatement to say that we're tired, we are beyond tired.

We hope for better days ahead, for B's pain to go away, and for a cure for his disease. Thanks again for the prayers, support, and gifts.

Love always,
L