If you don't have anything nice to say.......

So B and I are quickly approaching the 4 week mark at our latest residence 5 south. It would be an understatement saying that this rodeo is getting old and fast. It is hard to believe that when we came here almost 4 weeks ago, we both only thought that we would be here a few days, boy were we wrong. The reason I haven't blogged in so long is because I don't have anything good to report. You all know what your moms say when you don't have anything good to say.......if you don't have anything nice to say then don't say anything at all. Well that was the philosophy that I have been following, but I thought that everyone might be a bit curious as to what is going on, so here is a quick update.

I guess I wish that I had more to update, but at this point not much has changed. B is continually in constant pain. Even with the addition of the interthecal catheter, not much has been accomplished in terms of putting the pain to bed, so to speak. B is still on IV Ketamine, a new drug, Sufentayl, Prialt in the pain pump, Valium, and IV Methadone and nothing seems to be helping. The Dr.'s are working tirelessly to get B some relief but they are still missing the mark. For much of the day B is sleeping, which is good since he is behind on almost 10 months of sleep, however during his waking hours, 2-3 hours per day, he is in terrible pain, and it is very difficult to quiet him down. It seems the only thing that takes his mind off the pain is massages. There are some days when he is getting more than just one massage, and even that is not enough.

We are even looking to alternative options at this point. I have reached out to an internal medicine Dr. who specializes in acupuncture. I guess you could say we are desperate, more than desperate. And to be honest I am not sure what we are doing here in the hospital. It doesn't seem like we are gaining any ground so why not let us go home. I am sure we could arrange for the delivery of a hospital bed, and an at home RN to manage the IV pain meds, so why not put that option on the table? For a while there I wasn't' sure that B really wanted to go home, but as of late he is expressing some interested in getting the hell out of here too. Enough is enough, and I will be damned if we spend Thanksgiving here. I mean it, it will break my spirit. I can't handle it, just can't!

B also has had two rounds of chemo since our stay here. Chemo is currently in full swing. The new chemo is every week and B seems to be tolerating this new treatment well. So far he has not experienced any significant side effects so that is a positive. This chemo is directed to treat upper GI cancer, and Dr. # 4 is hoping for some signs of improvemnt. He hopes that this chemo shrinks some of the newest tumors and helps to prevent any further spread of the disease. Dr. # 4 hopes to complete between 4 and 6 rounds before evaluating any progress. I would suspect that Dr. #4 will rescan B in a month or so. We also have radiation as an additional option, plus a possible one time shot, that is also a form of radiation to help in relieving some of B's pain. However we can't visit radiation until chemo is complete since doing both at the same time could really lower B's blood counts.

I honestly mean it when I say that I have never never never never seen anyone suffer as much as I have seen B suffer. No one can really understand or appreciate the situation unless they are here to see it/live it/breath it. Many people say they understand B's pain, but they don't, they can't because the pain is so intense that many people would not be able to handle it. Nothing that I write in the blog even comes close to descrbing B's pain, plain and simple.

Please don't forget prayers for B, for his pain, and for a cure to his cancer. The hope is still alive and team Muttz will be home soon!