A Bump in the Night

Last week for B and I was shockingly quiet, but sometimes silence is just the thing you've tried so hard to avoid. After such a hard chemo week, B and I were not sure what to expect this week. With no physical problems to address, the emotional monster decided that now would be a good time to stop by and pay both B and I a visit. This monster has been hiding under our bed for many months and has patiently waited to come out and scare Team Mutnick. The weather here in Michigan has been wonderful, and the summer is our favorite time of year. We take full advantage of being outside...golfing, going to street fairs, shopping at the farmers market, and taking our dog to the park...at least we used to. And with everyone talking about how much fun they had on the course, or on the boat, or in the water, you can't help but feel a little sad. B and I try hard not to play the "I feel sorry for myself card", but after 7 months it is hard not to. And as a result, B and I had a pretty hard emotional week. I struggled with thoughts of the future, while B struggled with the fact that he is so immobile, and with the fact that both he and I have lost a little bit of ourselves to cancer.

For three days, I had to worry if B was going to be OK at home alone, and if I was going to be able to hold it together at work. We have a policy of no crying alone, and it seems when one of us is down, the other is up, so crying alone is for the birds. However this week I really worried about us both. So when I got home from work on Wednesday I could tell that we both needed a pick-me-up. And our dog, Bear, was just the answer. We decided to take Bear to the dog park and to get ice cream for all three of us on the way home. It was just the thing we needed to reset our attitudes, and by Friday we were determined to get out of the casa.

Friday was a fun filled night with the Lips. It started out with dinner at Mongolian BBQ followed up by a funny ass movie. It was so much fun seeing B laugh.....and laughed he did. At one point he was laughing so hard he was crying. And when B laughs, I laugh, and a good laugh was something we both really needed. The entire experience was cleansing....a total body cleanse for free. Take that Hollywood!!!!!!

So by Saturday we decided last minute that we were going to golf in my Uncle's annual golf outing. B and I haven't seen my family in a while, and it was so nice to see everyone. The weather was perfect and the day was great. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed golf until I got out on the course. The feeling of the clubs in my hands and the wind in my hair was unexplainable. And what made the day perfect was sharing it with B. He is such a trooper and a true inspiration. B is still super sore on the left side of his chest so after about 7 holes, he was really hurting. However he did not complain once, and we finished the scrabble 1 under par. On top of that B and I got to spend some time with Big D and Nanc and I am proud of our team performance. More importantly I am proud of B and I for persevering, and for getting out of house this weekend. I think P Diddy says it best...."Can't nobody take my pride, uh-uh uh-uh, Can't nobody hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on movin'".

B and I again face an upcoming week of hell, with Chemo again on Tuesday....grrrrrrr. However we will get through it knowing that we have another fun filled weekend planned.