Extra Extra...read all about it

First off.....let me apologize for the previous blog post. I was working on that blog for about 2 days while we were in the hospital. The computer went into sleep mode, and the mouse happened to be right on the "publish now" button, and before I knew it the blog went live. And that is why you all ended up with an unedited, unfinished blog, but who really cares right? I guess you could say that I had a pretty good excuse, seeing that I only had about 4 hours of sleep or so. Just don't want the readers thinking I am a bigger ditz then I really am.

So back to the dirt....On Tuesday B and I waited all day to meet with a new Dr., Dr. # 12. Let me say, that we have waited a long time to meet a Dr. like Dr. # 12. He was so kind and so understanding. He actually pulled up a chair and sat in B's room for almost 45 minutes to get a full understanding on what is really going on. He promised to get B out of pain and back to living. He told B and I that it is ridiculous to think that just because B has cancer meant that he was going to have to live in extreme pain. Dr. # 12 said that he has a ton of tricks in his bag and he has never had a patient take him to the bottom of the bag. He was motivating, and moving. He told B that cancer should not define you. He said that B should still have goals and dreams. Dr. # 12 brought D Bone to tears. It has been so long that B has had pain, that the thought of taking that pain away seems unreachable. Dr. # 12 is an angel. He immediately changed B's meds and said that he was going to start from scratch and was going to work very hard to take the pain away. His goal is to have B leave the hospital without pain.

Tuesday we also met with an Orthopaedic Spine Dr....Dr. # 13. He too was very nice and reported that B's neck was fine and that it was no longer necessary to wear his lovely Miami J collar. That's right, B was wearing a collar that you see most car accident patient's in. It was bulky and uncomfortable. B had to wear that collar through the night on Monday and through most of the day on Tuesday. Dr. # 13 also reported that there were no new neck/spine lesions....I started to allude to that in the previous blog.

Lastly we met with Dr. # 4 around 6:45 pm on Tuesday. This was the Dr. that we waited all day to meet with. Dr. # 4 had the results from the CT Scan. Part of us really wanted to hear what he had to say, however a large part of us really didn't want to hear what he had to say. Dr. # 4 walked in the room and you could hear a pin drop. B, D-Bone, and I anxiously awaited to hear what he had to say.....so here we go. Dr. # 4 said that as of today the cancer is controlled. He said that they did not see any new spots. Dr. # 4 said all in all this was a good scan. He had hoped to see some change in the size of the tumors....of course smaller, but he was pleased that no new growth or spots were detected. He reported that we were going to stick with this chemo and see where it takes us. Can you say thank GOD. I mean, thank you GOD literally. Dr. # 4 also said that just because the lesions weren't smaller today, doesn't mean that they will not be smaller in the future. So this is good news.

B is still yet to be discharged. As it stands he is scheduled to be discharged tomorrow. Dr. # 12 wants to be sure that B is pain free, so I am up here at the hospital again just chilling. B's spirits are better and just a few minutes ago he was trying to throw green beans into my mouth....however I really suck at catching them. It is nice to catch a glimpse of the old B, the B I fell in love with. He is my everything so to see his health improve is the best anniversary present I could ever get. I can't wait for him to come home. Sleeping alone and without the dog, who happens to be on vacation at my parents house, really stinks. I mean don't get me wrong, I would love to stay at the hospital with B, which both D Bone and I did on Monday, however with me back to work, it is really hard getting any sleep. I have been ordered back to my own bed and back to work by B himself.

So I guess you could say that we got some good news. And our love continues to grow stronger each day. I am better every day for having B and for having such a wonderful family.

And just to add icing to the cake, B got offered an official full time position at Grand Valley as a professor for the hospitality law department. He interviewed during a chemo week and still got the job......what a guy! So congrats to B!!!!!!

A Little Bad Followed by A Lot of Good Followed up By a Lot of Bad

So last week was the honorary hell week, and it lived up to it's title. B had chemo again on Tuesday. We met with the Dr. # 4 for the first time in several weeks. The meeting with Dr. # 4 actually went pretty good. He seemed pleased with how Ben looked and felt, so from an oncology stand point things were good. He also mentioned that the chest scan they did when Ben was in the ER for what they thought was a blood clot, showed that the lung tumor had remained unchanged. Dr. # 4 said those results could be interpreted as either good news or neutral news, but definitely not bad news. So I guess we both assumed we were off to a good start. Dr. # 4 decided to stay with the same chemo, but mentioned that it was again time to scan B's abdomen and pelvis to get a better read on where we are at with the cancer, and if the chemo is working. Can you say instant anxiety!!!! Just hearing those words made me throw up my stomach and swallow it again. I seriously can't begin to describe the nervous tension that comes along with a scan that lets you know how your cancer is doing.

Following our meeting with Dr. # 4, B went on to have Chemo, and by Tuesday night B seemed to be doing OK. They put him on a bunch of new meds to control the extreme nausea that he had during his last chemo, and these new drugs seemed to do their job. However one of the side effects of the new drugs was uncontrollable hiccups......and when I say uncontrollable, I mean uncontrollable. B had hiccups on Wednesday that lasted 8 hours. I get annoyed with hiccups after 8 minutes, but he had them for 8 HOURS STRAIGHT. And what makes matters worse is that the hiccups really aggravated his already sore left side. So Dr. # 4 called in a new med for the hiccups however this med messed B up. It was like he had 18 beers, and B says that he doesn't remember Wednesday night or all day Thursday. He was saying the damnest things. At one point he told me that he just had a dream about me, however in his dream I was Asian, and a man. I mean what do you say to that....thank you I guess?

And before you know it, it was Friday and we were scheduled to head to Detroit for a Tigers game, and a Wedding. And this was not just any Tigers game, this was the game that B and I, and the Lips were scheduled to go on the field and meet the players during batting practice. The saying come hell or high water says it all, and to Detroit we went. It was a terrible drive to the D and B was feeling like crap, but we made it. And we knew somehow we were going to make it go the game on Saturday.....weather permitting. By 2 o'clock on Saturday, B was feeling better so we packed up the car and headed down to Comerica Park, and the sun was shining. You can say B was like a kid in a candy shop....he was all smiles, grinning ear to ear. We were so close to the players, we got to meet with Magglio Ordonez, had many photo ops, and even got to see B's name on lights. B's name was on the scoreboard for almost 2 hours, oh and did I mention, Maggs signed B's jersey. Plus we had awesome seats, courtesy or our Aunt and Uncle, and Mrs. Lips almost took home a foul ball. I can't say enough how wonderful the day was.

Now onto Sunday.....B and I attended a Wedding of a close family friend. We both felt that it was important for us to be there, however B was not feeling to great. This wedding gave us an opportunity to see some of his family and friends that we haven't seen since B's diagnosis, and it gave us an opportunity to thank them personally for all their love and support. After such a long day at the Tigers game, B was pretty tired, so after a beautiful ceremony and lunch, B and I headed back home and we both crashed.....wrapping up the weekend and the lot of good.

And now comes Monday.....oh where do I start......loud sigh. Neither B or I got much sleep on Sunday night. B was extremely sore, and I had anxiety thinking about the upcoming scan. We both slept on again, off again all night long. And to add to the mix, our puppy got sick around 5 in the morning, so I was up taking care of her and cleaning up her mess. The alarm went off, and I was more than exhausted, however I got up and got in the shower, and was just about ready to head to work when I heard B. It was only 7:30 am and I could hear him upstairs walking around. I just had a feeling something was wrong, and when he finally came downstairs, I could tell by the look on his face, and the crack in his voice that something wasn't right. He was so uncomfortable, and he was having trouble lifting his head, or straightening his arms or legs. The best way I can describe it, was that B looked like and 80 year old man with osteoporosis walking around with a cane. I was scared, so I decided to call in a few hours late to work, and I placed a call to the cancer center. I got B situated in the basement and he assured me that he would be OK, however I felt like a bad wife leaving him alone, stuck in one position. So I left for work, but by 3 o'clock, B had already called me a few times, and I could just tell something was terribly wrong.

I immediately left work and headed home to find B just where I left him. He was in so much pain, that it was bringing tears to his eyes. So I again called the cancer center, and they decided that it would be best if I brought B to the hospital. B agreed to go, which should tell you how bad he was feeling. I mean, who wants to actually go to the hospital for a direct admit? And we have been here at the hospital ever since. B met with the oncology PA, as well as Dr. # 4, and an ortho spine surgeon. They have all ordered a bunch of tests, and we are anxiously awaiting the results. And we met with the a new Dr.....a pain specialist and I think he is our angel. He had some great, new approaches to managing B's pain, and I actually believe him. His plan it to get B back to normal...finally someone is listening to us and is addressing B's pain issues.

The good news is that the MRI of the neck shows no signs of cancer, however the bad news is that they don't know what is causing the neck pain.

A Bump in the Night

Last week for B and I was shockingly quiet, but sometimes silence is just the thing you've tried so hard to avoid. After such a hard chemo week, B and I were not sure what to expect this week. With no physical problems to address, the emotional monster decided that now would be a good time to stop by and pay both B and I a visit. This monster has been hiding under our bed for many months and has patiently waited to come out and scare Team Mutnick. The weather here in Michigan has been wonderful, and the summer is our favorite time of year. We take full advantage of being outside...golfing, going to street fairs, shopping at the farmers market, and taking our dog to the park...at least we used to. And with everyone talking about how much fun they had on the course, or on the boat, or in the water, you can't help but feel a little sad. B and I try hard not to play the "I feel sorry for myself card", but after 7 months it is hard not to. And as a result, B and I had a pretty hard emotional week. I struggled with thoughts of the future, while B struggled with the fact that he is so immobile, and with the fact that both he and I have lost a little bit of ourselves to cancer.

For three days, I had to worry if B was going to be OK at home alone, and if I was going to be able to hold it together at work. We have a policy of no crying alone, and it seems when one of us is down, the other is up, so crying alone is for the birds. However this week I really worried about us both. So when I got home from work on Wednesday I could tell that we both needed a pick-me-up. And our dog, Bear, was just the answer. We decided to take Bear to the dog park and to get ice cream for all three of us on the way home. It was just the thing we needed to reset our attitudes, and by Friday we were determined to get out of the casa.

Friday was a fun filled night with the Lips. It started out with dinner at Mongolian BBQ followed up by a funny ass movie. It was so much fun seeing B laugh.....and laughed he did. At one point he was laughing so hard he was crying. And when B laughs, I laugh, and a good laugh was something we both really needed. The entire experience was cleansing....a total body cleanse for free. Take that Hollywood!!!!!!

So by Saturday we decided last minute that we were going to golf in my Uncle's annual golf outing. B and I haven't seen my family in a while, and it was so nice to see everyone. The weather was perfect and the day was great. I guess I didn't realize how much I missed golf until I got out on the course. The feeling of the clubs in my hands and the wind in my hair was unexplainable. And what made the day perfect was sharing it with B. He is such a trooper and a true inspiration. B is still super sore on the left side of his chest so after about 7 holes, he was really hurting. However he did not complain once, and we finished the scrabble 1 under par. On top of that B and I got to spend some time with Big D and Nanc and I am proud of our team performance. More importantly I am proud of B and I for persevering, and for getting out of house this weekend. I think P Diddy says it best...."Can't nobody take my pride, uh-uh uh-uh, Can't nobody hold me down, oh no, I got to keep on movin'".

B and I again face an upcoming week of hell, with Chemo again on Tuesday....grrrrrrr. However we will get through it knowing that we have another fun filled weekend planned.

The Exorcist

As the saying goes, all good things must come to an end, and they certainly did. B and I came off one of the best weekends we have had in some time, and headed into Chemo week. The week began as they always do, with Chemo on Tuesday, and the pump out on Thursday. Of course, trusty D Bone and Bear's Uncle Larry came back to G-Rap to help out, and thank goodness for that.

We learned early on that B's blood counts were pretty low, which meant that B was going to have to get the Neulasta shot; the same thing he got pre-surgery. Neulasta works by reducing the chance of B getting an infection, and off-sets some of the meds that B is receiving. Some of the Chemo meds lower B's neutrophil counts, which is key to fighting infections, so the Neulasta helps with all of this. B was also due for his Zometa shot....the bone strengthening med, but this makes B really sore, so we knew we were in for a less-than-pleasant week(ish).

Tuesday ended pretty uneventfully, and we , in fact B ate the biggest meal I've seen him eat in awhile. We shoulda known what to expect as we moved forward into Wednesday. Boy were we in store for a crazy day! Wednesday started bad, and started bad very early. I got up for work around 6 and by 6:30, B was already out of bed puking his brains out. What most you don't have the luxury of knowing, is that B is an aggressive puker. The best I can describe, is that B is the Exorcist when it comes to getting sick. Just ask Team J what happened to their shower curtain on New Years Day 2009. And by 8 am, B had already lost his cookies 4 times. This continued on for much of the day, leaving B without eating much again, and leaving me very worried. On top of everything, B began complaining of sharp pain on the left side of his chest. B had been hurling so hard, he convinced himself he had broken a rib!

On Thursday, D Bone took B back to the Cancer Center to get his pump out, to get his Neulasta shot, and to get fluids. I never expected to receive the call that I did at 3:30 on Thursday. I had just left the office to go and see a patient in the hospital, and my phone rang. The caller ID showed that D Bone was calling, and I was going to let the phone go to voice mall since I was already on the 7th floor in the hospital, but I decided last minute to take the call. However, it was not D Bone, but B. And since having radiation, B's voice is much softer and it was a bit hard to understand. B told me that they were rushing him to ER because the staff had concern that he had a blood clot in this lung. I think I almost passed out. I was totally shocked and very scared. I literally ran the entire way back and hauled ass to the ER. I got there just as they were checking B in. He looked like shit. He was all slouched over in the wheel chair, and was so pale. It was like he was fading right before our eyes, and he was scared....you could see it in his eyes and all over his face. B and I spent most of the night at the hospital. They ran several tests and did a full CT scan of the chest to determine that B didn't have blood clot.....thank goodness. They did say that most likely B caused trauma to the left side of his chest while he was puking these last few days. I was so relieved, but the whole episode was very very scary. They didn't confirm it was a broken rib or not, but suggested it was more of a muscle strain....still, B is seriously limited in his range of motion with his left arm!

B and I came home and went right to bed. And by Friday, B was feeling a bit better. The rest of the weekend has been quiet, too. B has done quite a bit of sleeping, and still has had a few puking episodes. Not to mention his left side is still killing him, making it hard for him to walk with his cane. I swear, Team Mutnick can't seem to catch a break and I am getting tired of thinking when we actually might get one. Not much on tap for next week except rest and relaxation, and we need it.

Thanks for all your support!! It definitely gets trying at times, but knowing that all of you know a break is on the way helps us take each day that much easier. We love you all, and look forward to many happy visits in the near future!!

It's My Birthday and I'll Cry if I Want To.....Literally!!!

Well last week was the hardest week yet on tap. With radiation coming to an end we both had hoped that B would finally start feeling better. What we didn't expect is that things would get much worse before they got better.

So B finished up radiation a week ago Wednesday and he was doing OK with eating and drinking. He drove himself to his own MRI scan as well as his follow up apt with Dr. # 11, which I will get to in a minute. With everything feeling manageable, we sent D Bone and Larry packing a day early and headed into Friday and the weekend alone. Boy was that a bad decision. No joke, as soon as the Lexus hit the highway, s hit the f!!! B was very nauseous, which lead to a puking rally, which lead to not eating or drinking. And this bought of sickness and not eating lasted for almost a week. B's throat was so burned you could see the blisters on the side and roof of his mouth. And to make matters worse all he wanted was Matzo Ball soup, which I quickly learned is not available on the bible belt side of the state. I called every restraunt I could find on google search, and it was a no to the Matzo Ball Soup. Most coverstation went something like this.....
Lindsay: "Hi Do you guys serve Matzo Ball Soup"
Restaurant: "Uhhhhh, what is Matzo Ball Soup"
Lindsay: "It is a homemade Jewish staple"
Restaurant: "I haven't heard of it"
Lindsay: "So I take it you don't have it"

My heart sank because B was not eating, and when I say not eating, I mean NOT eating. It was the most scared I have been so far. I always figured that if he was eating, things weren't that bad, so when he stopped eating I completely fell apart. I hardly ate anything that weekend too. Let me say that eating alone is not fun. Who wants to make dinner for 1 person? And who wants to eat at the table upstairs alone, while their husband lays on the air mattress in the basement and moans? I lost 3 pounds that weekend and I could only image what B had lost....and he can't afford to lose any more weight!!!!! I was totally freaked. We didn't leave the house all weekend, and by Monday I was ready to call Dr. # 3 or # 4, and that is what I did.
And do you know what they told me? They told me that this is par for the course and that in 3 weeks or so B should be able to eat normal again. Is that a real answer? What do you mean 3 weeks? B can't go 3 more weeks without eating, and that is just what I said. So they called in a new RX that numbs B's throat right before he eats. He can't taste anything, but at least for now he can get some food down. And his appetite is a bit better. He still isn't eating a normal portion size yet, but it is my goal to get him there.

And now for the follow up appointment with Dr. # 11. The appointment went well, all things considered. B doesn' t have any sign of cancer in his lower leg. The pain in the shin is related to the surgery and to B pushing it a bit too far, a bit too early. What a relief hearing those words after such a shitty weekend. Dr. # 11 is confident that B will get some relief in his lower leg soon. He said that B should be proud of how well he is doing all things considered. The problem is Dr. # 11 doesn't know B, and doesn't know how active we both were just 6 months ago. And I think part of the reason we thought we would be at a different place by now is that Dr. # 8 gave us some false expectations about the entire hip replacement surgery. Dr. # 8 was very cavalier about the procedure and made it seem like it wasn't that big of a deal, when it fact, it was a huge deal. And when it came time for the surgery we just wanted the giant tumor out, and didn't think to ask what to expect post op. So the old adage that time heals old wounds, certainly applies here.

So the end of the week ended much better than the start...I got flowers delivered to the house from the Lips.....so thoughtful, and by Friday we were ready to head to the D for a Tigers game. B tried so hard to give me the best birthday weekend a wife could ask for. After all, do you really think he wanted to go and sit in the baking sun on Saturday, or try to navigate the crowds at Comerica with his bum leg and cane? Well he did it, and he did it for me. We had a great time! The Tigers won, we got to see some great fireworks, and we got to spend some time with our cousins.....what more could a girl ask for? And let's not forget the unexpected birthday gifts from the family. I almost had a stroke when I saw the Tori Burch box at D Bone;s house. I was so jealous that she went to the Tori Burch store and wanted to see what she got, but I never expected the box to be for me. But D Bone went all out and got me the most beautiful Tori Burch wallet. And then on Saturday I met my cousins for a mani and pedi, and in walked the Resnick girls with another Tori Burch box, and I felt faint. But the Resnick Family pulled out the stops too, and got me the Tori Burch shoes that I've been stalking online for several months. And then let's not forget the designer golf shirt that I got from Team Erhmann. I was totally shocked, and all of this was totally unexpected.


I was thinking that nothing could top all of this but I was wrong. So B and I packed up the car on Sunday and headed to Sand Lake for a day at the red neck yacht club. My brother had asked that we stop on the way through town and pick up some beer for the house, and since it was Sunday, the store didn't start selling until 12. So B and I pulled into Tow's right at 12, and you will never guess who we saw in line....Big D and Jr. I was totally confused and to add to the confusion I saw dad's truck, and Bella, my sister's dog, was in the front seat. I asked Big D what was up with Bella, and he gave me some bs about M and M dropping her off on their way up north. So you can image my surprise when we rolled up to the casa, and there sat M, M, and my sweet baby Arleigh. It was such a great day at the lake with the entire Homrich Clan. Not to mention the wonderful dinner, the great cake, the brand new bookshelf from the family, and my new nook....just like the kindle, from B. It was a wonderful weekend and everything was great, but the honest truth is that all I really want for my birthday is for B to feel better. I had to choke back tears during the happy birthday song or when my mom said make a wish. My birthday wish is for a cure for B's cancer, or for Dr. # 4 to say that the chemo is working. I would give everything back if I knew that B was going to get better.

So all in all we had a great time, and for a few days we both smiled. Like B said this was a great way to close out the week, since we are facing Chemo again this Tuesday. So Happy Birthday to me.....and may all my wishes come true.