The Ugly Truth

B and I have been flying around in a holding pattern for what seems like years....more like 6 months, but I think that we are close to landing on the ground so to speak. The Dr.'s are finally getting some of the answers we have been waiting months for.

This past week B was scheduled for his MRI and CT scan. Actually both tests were moved up because B is in so much pain. So the truth comes out. The truth of the matter is that B is living in extreme daily pain. The pain is so bad that I really can't think of a time in the past 2 months where B was not rubbing his neck or leg, icing his neck or leg, heating his neck or leg, or moaning at any given point throughout every single day. The pain really starts to eat at you, and I would say that B and I are starting to crack up. Sure we do things to feel normal, like going to movies, or hanging out with family and friends, but the truth is the pain is still there. B lives by the clock and is constantly watching the hours until the next time he can take his non-working pain meds. B has a pill for everything, but the trouble is nothing helps with the pain. I know that it is best for the mental health to get out and do things but it is hard.....really, really hard! I guess the alternative is to crawl in bed and pull a blanket over my head and cry, but that is not going to do any of us any good. Everyone thinks that I am so strong, but I am really sensitive and there is not a day that I don't cry, so I guess my secret is out. It is terrible to see the person in the world that you have given your heart to suffer so much and not be able to help. Plain and simple B and I are living in hell! A perfect example is on Friday. B and I got a brand new Subaru Forester, exciting right? Well the man selling us the car said "Isn't this exciting, getting a new car", and neither B or I answered. The Ugly Truth is that nothing but your health matters, and when it is being threatened nothing really makes you happy. B is really suffering and it is not fair, so there is your ugly truth.

Now back to the matter at hand.....the scans came back and it appears that the lung tumor is about the same size. Dr # 3 said that the tumors on B's pelvis and L4 appear to be more spiral which could indicate that B is responding to treatment....I guess the spots look hollow so that is a good sign. Dr # 3 also said however that the spots on the neck appear to be marginally worse. The lesion has spread to the muscle belly on the right side, which is the reason that B is having additional neck pain. Dr # 3 recommended radiation of the neck and he hopes that this helps to kill the little bastards. He mentioned giving B a stronger dose this time around since B did not respond great to radiation in his hip. B is scheduled for 13 treatments and they start next week. Let's hope that radiation works this time around. So on Friday B completed the prep work, including getting his face cast with a mask, so that radiation can start on Monday.

We also got the results back from Cali, and I am sure you all want to know what is going on, but we still really don't know. We have not heard from Dr # 4 yet so we are just going to have to wait and see. The results are interesting, but we are not the ones to interpret them. Boy would I have things really messed up if I tried to figure out what the tests really said. There is a chance that Dr. # 4 may change B's chemo drugs based on these results, but again, we won't know until we talk to Dr # 4.

For now we are just going to continue on fighting. I am sure that these next few months are going to be pretty hard since B is having Chemo and radiation. This will likely knock B on his ass, but he is tough and he will get back up and continue on. We are making the best of the situation. We did spend some time this past weekend with friends and we were able to golf our first round of 18 this summer. And I might add that I holed out for a dirty birdie, pretty bad ass. We also visited the red neck yacht club and took the Party Barge out for a trip around Lincoln Lake, courtesy of Captain Morgan, I mean Captain Don Jr. Like I said...trying to make the best of the situation.

Hope everyone is enjoying the beautiful holiday weekend. Come back for more info later this week.